L's True Successor
by Xoxoamf19
Summary: Re-uploaded. A young girl finds herself thrown into the supernatural world in a way she never expected, as she uncovers secrets involving her own past, she must come to terms with her life in the present and her relationship with two young boys she has known since childhood and her growing feelings for the both of them. Mello/OC, Near/OC. In Progress. Please R&R!
1. Chapter 1

**authors note: hey everyone! this is my first fan fiction that I had published a year ago, I took it down to edit some things and now I'm re uploading it. I own nothing. Enjoy!**

Chapter 1: News

December 2007

The sun was shining brightly through the windows of Wammy's House. It was a beautiful winter day and most of the children were playing outside enjoying the cold weather before the snow would cover the ground. I simply sat waiting patiently in an office that I was called into earlier. I swung my feet back and forth as I sit in this cold, wooden chair as my feet barely reach the floor.

I begin to feel nervousness overcome me, "why am I here? "I wondered, "have I done something wrong?" Many other questions flooded in mind as I nibbled on my right thumbnail, I had a bad habit of doing that, I've been biting my nails as long as i can remember but whenever I felt anxious it got even worse. I also twirled my hair somewhat when I get nervous, I have long wavy raven colored hair that falls in my face slightly and reaches the middle of my back, I have long hair for a girl of only 12 years old. I sometimes catch myself hiding behind it, the deep black color of my hair brings out the complete paleness of my skin as well as the color of my green-gray eyes, I then rolled some of my hair behind my ears as I adjusted my white pajama shirt and tugged on my black pajama pants, they were a little too big for me but I always loved wearing comfortable clothing.

I was quickly snapped out of my thoughts when Roger entered and sat behind his desk. Roger was one of the main handlers of Wammy's orphanage, he had a reserved and slightly cold demeanor and was nothing like the founder but none the less he was like a father figure to all of us. He adjusted his glasses as he sat with his hands folded, we sat for about five minutes in silence and as I was about to ask why I was here the main door swung open and two boys entered. One was wearing all white and it matched his pure white hair, he took a seat on the floor and had a puzzle under his arm, he began to fiddle with it as well as twirl pieces of his hair in between his fingers. He was Near, I've known him for as long as I can remember. He was always playing with some sort of toy anytime I've seen him, he was also painfully quiet and a loner, he only spoke if absolutely necessary. He was around a year older then me, and him and I had little to no interaction throughout all of my years here.

The other boy was one I knew quite well. He had shoulder length blonde hair and wore black. He was Mello. You could catch him almost always with a chocolate bar in his hands. Mello and I are friends, we have spent much time together and my bond with him is one that is very dear to me, he is also someone I've known for as long as my memory allows me to remember. He was 14 about to be 15 soon and he was the polar opposite of Near, he was kind, sociable, impulsive and emotional. I started to wonder why the three of us were here and I could tell Mello had the same question by the look in his eyes.

"Hello children" Roger finally began. "There is something you three need to know". I waited as I could feel my heart start to race a little faster. Roger choked on his next words but he made it perfectly clear.

"L is dead...".

My expression dropped as well as Mello's while Near remained un phased. L was a former resident of Wammy's house as well as a fellow orphan. He is also a world renowned detective who keeps his identity a secret and only speaks through a computer screen with a distilled voice. We all enjoyed whenever L would speak to us but what no one knew beside me and L himself was that I actually met him, I've seen his face with the bags under his eyes, his attire of white shirts and baggy jeans as well as the strange way stood and sat. L had come to visit me personally over my years here, he never made it clear to me why he did but I loved every minute of being in his company. He made me promise to keep it a secret and I did but after hearing this news of his death, I was finding it hard to regain my composure, I felt my cheeks start to feel warm as well as my eyes water slightly but luckily my impending outburst was silenced as Mello began to speak.

"Dead?, Are you serious?, How is that possible?, Was he killed by Kira?" Mello shouted.

Hearing the name Kira made me shiver slightly, I didn't know much about him but all I knew was he was punishing criminals around the world in ways no one could understand or figure out but L was on the case and was risking his life by working on this case.

"Tell Me!" Mello continued to shout as he reached across the desk and had Roger by the collar.

"Kira finally got to him? Didn't he? L had him but he lost..." Mello was then interrupted by Near who was holding up his puzzle board as all the white pieces fell onto the rug, I simply stared at them both frozen.

"Mello, if you fail at the game and fail at completing the puzzle, your nothing but a loser..." Near said as he once again started to fiddle with his puzzle. His cold answer made Mello as well as myself upset but Mello continued with his questions.

"Which one of us is it then? Who did L choose to be his successor?"

"He wasn't able to make a decision, he died before he could" Roger said.

Mello then stood upright and had a serious tone in his voice "fine then, Near will be his successor. Unlike me Near isn't as emotional and he is capable of starting puzzles over from the beginning it would be better if we didn't work together since he and I never got along anyway...I'm getting out of here by the way I'm almost 15 years old I'm more than old enough I'm going to do this my way" and with that Mello was gone, he slammed the door behind him and it was just Near, Roger and I in the room.

I personally was still in shock over knowing that Kira had finally got to L, my mind flashed back to the last time I heard him over the computer and when I last saw his face, it hurt too much to accept what I'd been told. After a few minutes Near had gotten up and left as well and now it was just me and Roger. I felt as if I wasn't needed to have witnessed what had just happened, they were talking about successors and I wasn't even mentioned in their conversation so why was I here? Why did I stay to listen? But as I got up from the chair to exit just as Near and Mello did, Roger looked up and called out to me.

"Sage..." He said, I turned around sharply as my hand was rested on the doorknob.

"Yes?" I asked in response. "I'm not finished with what I have to say to you". I approached his desk still unsure of what I needed to be told

"I don't understand, what is it?" I asked. Roger then pulled out an envelope, it contained a letter inside and it was blank on the back but on the front my name was written. My eyes widened immensely as I read it, no one had known my full name not even myself, all I knew was that my true name was Sage and I didn't use an alias like Near or Mello but I wasn't prepared for what I saw. I knew that I had seen or heard one of these names somewhere before but little did I know what I was about to find out. The front of the envelope read Sage Cecilia Lawliet.

**authors note: reviews will be much appreciated :)**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Realization

"Lawliet? Why is that name so familiar to me?" I asked.

"Open and read the letter and you'll find out why" Roger answered.

I did just that, I sat back down onto the cold, wooden chair I was on before but this time I didn't take notice to how uncomfortable it was. I placed my thumb under the seal and opened it in a straight shot. I slowly pulled out the letter, it was only about a page long and it was handwritten. The letter was dated a month ago and I could feel my hand tremble slightly as I started to read:

Sage,

This is a letter I wish I didn't have to write. I decided to because I know my time is coming to an end and I wanted to reach out to you. There's so much you don't know and wouldn't understand, by the time this letter gets to you you'll only be around 12 or 13, you won't be able to comprehend your whole history as well as mine. I know it will all be confusing to you but in time you'll understand. Just know that whenever I saw your face when I came to visit you, whenever I would read to you until you fell asleep and whenever I was able to hold you and your tiny hand would consume just one of my fingers, those moments were the highlight of my life. I kept you in the dark for your protection and you will be kept in the dark for a little while longer. With all my heart I am sorry, I wish I could see you again before it all ends, I doubt I'll be able to but I know you'll be in good hands, just like I was and I know you'll be loved. One of the main reasons I continued with my detective work for was you, to make the world better for you so one day you and I would be able to live in it together without any secrets but that dream may not become a reality, at least not for me. I think of you often and I always had throughout my days since you were born, I hope you will realize my purpose and never doubt the fact that I loved you and will continue to love you until the end and beyond. Be safe my child.

Ryuzaki

As I tore my eyes away from the paper, I felt a small stream of fresh tears rolling down my cheeks. I always felt connected to L, even before I saw his face but could it be true? Could I be his daughter? In a way, it made sense, what other reason would he have to visit only me in person and insist it be kept a secret? My mind was overwhelmed as well as my heart. I always dreamed of having parents and L would be the best father I could ask for, but it killed me to know that I wouldn't have any more memories with him and that he would only be alive in my memory.

"Is it true?" I muttered as the tears slowed but still fell from my face. Roger simply nodded as he looked down. I leaned back in the chair as pieces of my dark hair started to stick to face that was wet with tears.

"You must continue to keep it secret as he said, you'll be in danger if it is made known that L had an heir of his own body" Roger stated.

I didn't respond, I couldn't, I didn't have any energy, I was purely and simply heartbroken. All I could muster was a simple nod, I then folded the letter and placed it in my pocket as I got up to leave to return to my room. Roger didn't try and stop me, he didn't ask any more questions, he knew that I needed to process this but the problem was that I didn't even know how I would live with it.

I exited the office and leaned against the opposite side of the door for a second, my head almost fell to the floor and I was hidden by my hair as the tears kept flowing silently, when I finally looked up I saw Near within walking distance from me. He didn't notice me, at least he didn't acknowledge that I was there, he was too busy lining up dominos and was surrounded by the other children who were laughing and playing. As I went to the staircase as quiet as possible not to be noticed I quickly bumped into Mello, I almost knocked him to the floor but he knew something was wrong when he stood back up. I tried my best not to make eye contact with him because I could feel that my face was flushed and my eyes would no doubt be red and swollen with tears.

He stood back up and adjusted his shirt and simply examined my face. "Sage?" He muttered quietly so no one else would hear. I had to fight the urge to face him and I continued to try to push passed him and he followed me up the stairs. "Wait, what's the matter?" He asked with genuine concern in his voice, I continued to ignore him as I finally got to my door.

Just as I was about to let myself in Mello grabbed me by my shoulders and spun me around and my back hit the door. I wasn't expecting him to do so, so when I finally came eye to eye with him I gasped and my hair was once again sticking to my face. When Mello got a full view of my face, he took immediate notice to my tears as they continued even as I stared into his eyes. He then withdrew his hands from me and said nothing else. After about another minute of simply staring into his eyes, I wanted so desperately to tell him what I was just told but I knew I couldn't so I turned, entered my room and slammed the door behind me.

I slid down to the floor with my back still glued to the door and I simply sat there for what felt like hours with my knees to my chest and my head buried. I just wanted to hide and I never wanted to be found. After I regained some of my composure I went to my bed, it was only around 5 o clock and the sun would soon be going down, and I planned on staying in my room for the rest of the night, I had no appetite or desire to look anyone in the eye.

The night drifted away slowly, it consisted of me staring out my large window and looking at the moon as well as the stars and I started to think. My tears had finally ceased but the weight in my heart and my grief would take much longer to ease, if it would ever. I was able to clear my mind and think, I sat on my bed in an upright position and brought my right thumbnail to my mouth once again and I let my thoughts take over in my head.

"Alright, I will keep it a secret, I can't say for how long but for now I will, I am too young to know what to do with this information and it is incredibly dangerous especially because Kira's rule grows more and more each day and apparently he won't hesitant to get rid of anyone who opposes him. In a few years time I hope they're will be others who will seek to oppose him and take him down and I also will be leaving Wammy's sooner then later. Mello has the right idea with wanting to leave but now knowing what I know, it's too painful to stay here longer then I have to. My mind is made up, I'm not sure where I'll go but I have more than enough time to figure it out, but before I make a move to go anywhere, I will need an alias..."

**Authors note: Reviews are much appreciated. These few chapters are laying the ground work for where it will go. The main story will revolve around my OC as well as the main characters of the second half of death note with Mello and Near being the dominant ones over time. The story at times will be slow moving, I don't want to rush into anything and some chapters might be longer then others.**

**The ages of certain characters have been changed to fit the story as well as the timeline of certain months. I am not sure how many chapters this will consist of just yet but I plan to have it continue as well as possible. In the next chapter there will be a dream sequence and the five year time skip will happen.**

**thanks so much for reading xo**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: 2012

December 2012

"And they lived happily ever after..." He said in that smooth monotone voice I had come to know and love so well.

"Again!" I said anxiously sitting up in my bed, I was no older than 5 years old.

"I can't I have to go" he said with sad eyes and as he left my side I reached and grabbed onto his long white shirt sleeve and tugged at it.

"L, when will you be back?" I asked.

"As soon as I can be" he said with a smile as he patted me softly on the top of my head. I watched him walk away with his hands in the pockets of his jeans and hunched over slightly but as he made it to my doorway, he froze and fell to the floor.

L started to wince and gasp in pain as he was on his knees. I jumped up off my bed and ran toward his side screaming his name. I took his head onto my lap as I stared in his eyes as he gripped his chest.

"L, no please be okay!" I screamed as his body finally became still in my arms and my tears fell freely down my face. He then stared into my eyes as his started to close ever so slowly until they were shut completely. "No, no!" I scream as I lay my head onto his forehead and sob. I cry out for help throughout Wammy's house and no one was there. It was just me all alone...

I then jumped up out of a sound sleep, gripping my sheets and dripping in a cold sweat. "Another nightmare..." I said to myself. I've been having reoccurring dreams of L dying in many different ways ever since I read his letter. It's been 5 years and I still couldn't shake my grief, but I kept my word, I haven't told a soul what I had found out and I kept the letter hidden away where no one would ever dare to look.

I threw the sheets off my body and got up to go toward my full body mirror. I examined myself, I had changed immensely over 5 years. I was now 5'7, I grew into the shape of my body, I only weighed around 150 lbs, I had slight curves and a small waist and my skin was still pale as porcelain. My wavy raven colored hair was still down my back but I found myself throwing it up into messy buns not having to deal with it. My green-gray eyes hadn't changed, only gotten somewhat larger. My nails were still stubby and I continued my bad habit of biting them, even though now I painted them black. I also noticed I had forgotten to take my eye makeup off, I only wear black eyeliner and black eye shadow and it was smudged due to my slumber as well as my nightmares. I was 17 years old, on the verge of being 18 in a few weeks and I was far from that little girl I used to be back at Wammy's.

True to my word about wanting to leave Wammy's sooner then later, I finally did after my 15th birthday. It was hard especially because Mello had left two years before and I felt alone and detached way before then. For a period of time I barely spoke and I could feel myself starting to change inside and out. I also tried to stay hidden and no one took much notice of that but by the time I finally reached 15, I knew this part of my life was over and I had to get away. One night I just slipped away with the breeze, and wondered the streets for days until I figured out where I was headed. I remembered I had gotten a letter from Mello and the address told me where he was, I found myself journeying to him because I had no one else.

And that was that. I have been living with Mello now for the better part of almost three years. We bounced from place to place until we finally settled in Japan. For the past year and half Mello has made some connections with the mob, at first I was skeptical but whatever it's not my business. I've been here for almost two years and I've never been involved in anything, he sort of keeps me secluded from it all. It's fine by me, I've gotten comfortable here but there is a part of me that misses Wammy's even though my last years there were less than desirable. I left that part of my life behind and that was the way it was going to stay.

I looked at the clock and it was only midnight, I must have dozed off earlier but after that dream I wasn't going back to bed anytime soon. I jumped into the shower to rinse off and shake off my fear. I got out and got dressed, I could here noise coming from downstairs indicating that everyone else was awake, there was only about seven or eight of us living here and I wasn't aware of whatever they were up too but no one minded me. I threw on one of my sleeveless tank tops as well as one of my black skirts, a pair of fishnets and my knee high boots, threw my hair up as usual and started downstairs.

As I walked downstairs, I saw that the main room was clear, so I just sat down on the long couch and put my feet up on the table as I examined my stubby fingernails. I reached to the middle of the table and took one of the lollipops out of the bowl. I had a sweet tooth, I always had for as long as I could remember but my favorite thing was lollipops. I sat there for a little while longer and started to flip through a newspaper that was placed next to me. It was full of articles about Kira, I tossed it before too long. I couldn't believe that it's been 5 years and no one has yet to be able to stop him. But the worst of it all was that there was someone out there who had the audacity to act as L, to the rest of the world he was alive and well but to me, I had a gut feeling that whoever happily took over for my father was either working with Kira, a loyal supporter, or even worse Kira himself. It was the perfect cover, L was Kira's arch enemy so why not take up his mantle at the first open opportunity, it infuriated me to my core but this was just a hunch, I didn't possess any sort of skills that would prove useful to tracking him down so for now I had no choice but to bite my tongue.

And at that moment I couldn't help but wonder if that's what Mello and everyone else was working on, capturing Kira, that in and of itself is a suicide mission and my thoughts broke as a familiar face came into my vision. He had dark red hair that he let fall onto his face, goggles around his eyes and he smoked like a chimney. His name was Matt, he was also a fellow orphan and from Wammy's. He was a few years older than me, and I never took too much notice of him until after I left. He hung around a lot and was a friend of mine as well as Mello's.

"I'm surprised you have any teeth left" Matt said as he sat down next to me.

"I can say the same about you" I said in response. "Can I bum one of those?" I ask as I take the now small lollipop out of my mouth. Matt hands me a cigarette and lights it for me, we do this often, at first I didn't like to smoke but now I find it calms my nerves, and after my reoccurring nightmares I'm in desperate need of some sort of peace.

"Are you ever going to start buying your own?" He asked.

"Maybe but if I did then I'd have no use for you" I said with a smile. I let my curiosity take over for a moment and change the subject. "Hey, do you have any idea what everyone's working on?",

"What do you mean?" he said.

"I'm just curious and I was just wondering if it had anything to do with Kira..." Matt just stared at me and I could tell he was about to lie to me.

"I don't know but maybe you should just stay out of it" Matt suggested.

"That's all I do is stay out of it, it's just I don't know, it pisses me off I guess..."

"What pisses you off?" A voice asked from behind me, it was Mello and he was as usual nibbling on chocolate and was looking down at me, with his normal attire on that consisted of a sleeveless shirt, leather gloves and leather pants.

I put the cigarette out and spoke, "Nothing" I muttered.

"It didn't seem like nothing" he said

"Lets just forget it, it's not that important" I lied through my teeth at this point. "I'm going to go get something real to eat" I said as I shot up and scurried out trying to hide my embarrassment, I don't know why but sometimes I'm uncomfortable around Mello, I mean I consider him to be my best friend, he's all I have and at the same time I feel strange in his presence, almost awkward at times...

I glanced behind me for a moment and I saw Mello still standing and staring at me until I completely was out of his sight. He then sat down where I was next to Matt and he put his feet up.

"What was she talking to you about?" I overheard Mello question Matt.

"Why don't you just ask her?" Matt said as he lit up another cigarette. Mello just leaned back and saw the newspaper was tossed on the floor and he picked it up and saw it open to the pages about Kira, he simply sighed and tossed it back as well.

"What's going on with you and Cece?" Matt said.

Before I forget, that's the alias I had been using for the past five years, I decided on Cece from my middle name, Cecilia. It was simple and was far from my actual name and the only people who knew my true name were Mello and Near, to everyone else I had met over the last few years I was purely Cece.

"Nothing's going on, why?" Mello said.

"I'm just curious, you keep her hidden from everything that goes on, almost like a pet and I think she's a little fed up of being kept in the dark" Matt said.

Mello's expression stiffened as he thought about it, "I don't know, I mean she's one of my oldest friends, so I guess I'm just protective of her that's all".

"Oh okay" Matt said completely unconvinced. "Whatever you say man" Matt said as he left the room.

I wasn't proud of eavesdropping but I couldn't help it, when I heard Matt walking out of the room, I scurried to the kitchen and grabbed some bread to make a sandwich but I quickly got side tracked and took some cake as well. Once I made my plate, I peaked back into the room to see if Mello had left and he did. I looked around for him for a minute but then I went back upstairs to my room.

As I sat in my bed and ate, I thought about what Matt said, it was true I was tired of being kept in the dark but at the same time I'm keeping a huge secret from Mello. I can't even imagine what would happen if he found out the truth about me, would it change how he feels about me? If he even feels for me at all? I have to admit a part of me wanted him to feel something for me because on occasion I have found myself looking at him in different ways but our relationship was never like that we were strictly friends but I knew how he idolized L and I didn't want to think about what would happen when he finds out but in all fairness I think I should tell him before he hears another way, somehow. My birthday is coming up soon so I decided I'd tell him after and I'm hoping for the best, maybe him knowing this about me will make me useful or maybe he'll take it as a betrayal and ill be on my own again. I placed my head back on my pillow and tried to drift off to sleep, I prayed the nightmares would not overcome me again...

**authors note: reviews will be much appreciated. Near will appear in chapter 5. Light as well as the others on the task force will soon follow. There will be possible pairings between my OC with both near and mello. The truth about Sage will also be revealed soon and the next chapter will take place on her birthday and the story will begin to move somewhat faster after that. There will also be a few chapters dedicated to L in flashbacks as well as references to the BB cases soon.**

**thanks for reading xo**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Birthday

December 27th 2012

I laid in bed as I stared at the clock. It had just turned midnight and I now faced the inevitable realization that I was 18 years old. I couldn't believe how fast time had gone and yet at the same time some of my years had gone painfully slow. I was never big on birthdays, I don't know why but I guess felt like I had no one to celebrate with so to me it's just another day.

I was also still nerve wracked over when to tell Mello the truth about me. I had promised myself that I would do it after my birthday and I'm basically out of time. I've been going over what I should say in my head again and again. I had no idea how to even begin a conversation like this and I had a tendency to assume the worst case scenario. I stood up and went into my bathroom and simply splashed my face with some cold water. I stared at my face in the mirror, no makeup on, bloodshot eyes and swollen bags under my eyes as well as my hair being a mess. I was wearing a long sleeve white shirt that covered my hands as well as blue shorts and I was barefoot. I wish I could say the nightmares stopped but they haven't, I had a few nights without them and I wanted more than anything to go more nights without them especially on my birthday, that's my wish.

When I exited the bathroom, I nearly jumped a mile, I was beyond startled I wasn't expecting anyone to be there but as I walked out slowly I saw Mello standing upright in the dark. He was obliviously looking for me and I wondered what he wanted at this hour.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked.

"I figured you'd be awake" he said.

I simply looked at him confused and walked passed him and sat down on my bed. He followed and sat down somewhat awkwardly by me but he made sure he left enough space in between us.

"So what's up?" I asked again.

"I have something for you" he said.

"Really? What?" I asked somewhat surprised and a little excited.

Mello simply reached into his pocket and pulled out one of his chocolate bars and handed it to me. I looked down at it with a confused expression.

"Chocolate? Your giving me some of your chocolate?" I asked and he simply nodded. "Why? you never do that" I asked.

"For your birthday" he said.

"You remember my birthday?" I asked, this surprised me considering he had never given me anything or even acknowledged it all the time that I've known him.

I always remembered his, it was exactly two weeks ago and he was now 20 but I hadn't said anything because we never made a big deal of it.

"Yeah, of course, I know your not big on birthdays, neither am I really but 18 is a big one".

I just nodded and smiled slightly to myself, it was a sweet gesture.

"Thanks" I said with a smile as I placed the chocolate on my night table.

We simply sat there in silence for a little while and I started to feel tension build up to the point where you could cut it with a knife. He was lingering, almost as if he wanted to say or ask me something but was fighting himself not to.

I broke the silence, "So um, do you want to ask me something?" I said bluntly, I was unsure of what to say in that moment.

He examined me a bit and I pulled my legs to my chest as I sat up waiting for him to say something, anything. But in the moment where he opened his mouth, the laptop that I used every now and again on the night able where I placed the chocolate flashed in the darkness, indicating I got an email. It was strange, considering I barely used the computer and I almost never got any emails. It took me off guard and my head turned to quickly look but I spun my head back around and I saw Mello get up and start to make his way to leave.

"Hey, where are you going?" I asked, not wanting him to leave so abruptly.

"We'll talk later" he said as he closed my door quickly not giving me any time to response.

I simply sat there and shook my head. With each passing day, our relationship was becoming a little more awkward and I wasn't sure why, when were children back at Wammy's, I enjoyed his company and i still do but we talked about anything and everything. Even when I left and we bounced back and forth, ever since he got involved with the mob, he's become more distant and secretive and he changed immensely over the years, he was far from the young Wammy boy I knew earlier. Some aspects of him were the same, but his appearance as well as his demeanor were changing rapidly and it feels like he struggles to talk to me. I guess him and I had transformed but something else was happening between us that I was unsure of.

I then leaned over to see what this email was all about. I opened it and it was only a line long. It surprised me but as I read it again with focus, I felt my heart drop in surprise as well as confusion. I had to make sure it wasn't just my sleep deprivation and that I wasn't imagining things, but the feeling in the pit of my stomach convinced me it was real.

Sage,  
We need to talk, let's meet today, I look forward to seeing you- N

I couldn't believe it, I hadn't seen or spoken to him in years and suddenly out of the blue here he is, my other so called childhood friend, Near.

**authors note: I thank everyone who has read/reviewed and is following so far. this is a shorter chapter. As promised Near is appearing in chapter 5 and a reunion between Sage, Mello and Near will happen. The truth is getting closer to coming out. And also Mello and Near will be out of character at some points in order to fit into my storyline. Reviews will be much appreciated.**

**thanks so much for reading xo**


	5. Chapter 5

Authors note: there will be mild profanity in this chapter.

Chapter 5: Near

As if I didn't have enough trouble sleeping, I tossed and turned for hours after seeing that email. I was still in shock over how and why Near came back into my life and that he wants to meet for whatever reason. What does he want? Him and I never had a stable relationship. I got another email a few hours later when I decided to wake up, it gave me the address of where he wanted to meet. I also didn't like the fact that I now have another thing added to my list of secrets that I'm keeping from Mello, but I bit the bullet and I copied it down quickly and made my way out quietly when I knew no one would be around.

I threw on some black jeans, a white t shirt and put my boots on and leather jacket. I let my wavy hair loose and left in a rush. I tip toed down the stairs to double check that I was alone, I quickly grabbed a pair of car keys and made my way. I drove for less than twenty minutes, I was surprised how close the building was, I could've sworn I've seen it before. I parked and slowly made my way out of the car, the knots in my stomach felt even tighter as I entered the building and walked down the long hallway. As I walked I wondered if Near would be or look any different, Mello and I were definitely different since the last time we were all together, I would soon find out.

I came to the end of the long hallway and there was a huge grey door in my vision, I took a deep breath and went to knock but I didn't have to, as I raised and placed my hand on the door gently, it opened automatically. I stepped in and looked around, there were rows and rows of computer screens shining brightly with pictures and names of people I've never seen before. I also noticed there were a group of people surrounding the middle of the room and they quickly focused on me when they saw me come in. They then stepped aside and allowed me to see what or who they were covering, they then left the room and as I looked down I saw the back of a boy on the ground, all in white that perfectly matched his white hair, with his fingers entangled in it, with multiple play things surrounding him, he hadn't changed one bit.

As I opened my mouth to speak, he did without turning to face me just yet. "Hello Sage I'm so glad that you could make it, or should I say Cece" Near said.

How did he know about the alias I had chosen? I shook it off quickly, I had enough questions running through my mind as it is.

"Hey Near or should I say Nate" I said with my arms folded in a serious tone, this caused him to turn and face me but he still was seated on the floor.

He eyed me up and down a few times. "I see you've changed a bit" he said.

Hmm a bit, that was an understatement. "And I see you haven't" I said in response.

"Well no matter I am happy to see you" he said with a slight sarcastic tone. I was getting irritated with the small talk so I decided to stop it as I walked toward him.

"Cut the crap Near, what do you want? How did you know where I was? And what do you want to talk about? I haven't seen or spoken to in 5 years and all of sudden you want to talk, just come out with it" I said raising my voice.

He flashed a small smirk on his lips as he stared me down. "I see your still as sharp as ever, I'll get straight to the point for your benefit, as you may or may not know, I am taking part in solving the ongoing Kira investigation, the people that were with me a moment ago were the SPK, I've been working with them for quite some time now and I feel that I am making progress faster than I expected".

I simply continued to stare at him with an emotionless expression. "So what does any of this have to do with me?" I asked.

"I think you know" he said as he turned his back on me again. I stood there for a minute unsure of what he meant.

"No I don't know Near" I said.

"Must I spell it out for you?" He said and I could feel myself becoming angry but nothing prepared me for what came next. "Not only has Kira killed countless people but he is also responsible for the death of your father."

I froze, I couldn't believe what he just said, I felt my expression fall from my face and my eyes widen at his words. I choked on my words after that, "What did you say?" I asked.

Near then turned to me once again, "Kira is responsible for L's death, your father, but you already knew that". He said completely calm. In that moment I felt my knees become weak and I became at war with my own body to hold my weight up.

"You knew?" I stammered as I felt my heart pound in my ears.

"I've always known, I've known since we were at Wammy's house and I knew before you did. I will admit it took me awhile to piece it together but it made sense, L's unexplained favoritism of you, the fact that he came to see you on numerous occasions, the fact that you even resemble him and that day, 5 years ago, when Roger told us he died you were there with us and when we left, I had a feeling Roger had broken the news to you then, everyday after that you became more distant and that's what prompted you to leave a few years later and go hide out and live with Mello..."

I couldn't believe this, he knew everything, but how could he?, I stumbled to sit down on the closest chair I could find as I ran my fingers through my hair and held my head for a moment. This is crazy, why would he wait to tell me that he knew? Why would he keep it from me? I could begin to feel my eyes water a bit but it wasn't out of sadness it was out of pure anger.

"How did you know all this? Why the hell would you keep it from me? Why are telling me now or even at all?" I yelled across at him.

"I am telling you now Sage, because of you being who you are, I wanted to know if you wanted to work with me."

"Work with you? You honestly think I would do that?" I asked.

"You will prove to be a valuable asset, and who better to be involved then L's own, legitimate heir, and you along with myself have a vast intelligence whether or not you chose to put it to good use over these years but still it is ultimately up to you". I knew that Near was stoic but he was being down right cold, how could he ask me to do this?

"That won't happen, I'm not interested" I said.

"Really? Are you sure you don't want to or are you only saying this because of Mello?" he said. My head shot up and I had a feeling where he was going with this but I decided to let him finish.

"What does Mello have to do with this?" I asked

"He has a lot to do with it actually, I'm not the only one who is searching for Kira, surely you must know that he opted out of becoming L's successor and that he always wished to surpass me and that is why he is affiliated with the mob".

I knew that Mello was hiding something but I wish it wasn't this, it was incredibly dangerous and the last thing I wanted was for him to get hurt. "It's surprising that you two live together and are apparently so close and yet you know nothing about what he does and he has no clue about who you really are...does he?" Near's words felt like knives entering my body and he knew he was pressing my buttons, but I didn't understand why he was doing this to me, it was almost as if he was trying to punish me, his tone would change from being completely serious to sounding almost bothered by his own words.

But I was reaching my limit, I stood up as Near continued to fiddle with certain toys around him.

"Fuck you!" I shouted as I was preparing to make my way to leave.

"My I see you've lost your manners, it probably has something to do with who you choose to be around" he said lowly.

"I don't know what game your trying to play but I want no part of it, you think you can just pop into my life knowing all this about me and expect me to help you? You must think I'm out of my mind, I would never help you with anything, and you have the nerve to hang information about my own life over my head when I myself am still unsure of how to handle it all. Im not some broken toy you can play with Near. What I do is my business and no one else's, you have no right to pass judgement on me and speak down to me as if I've done something wrong. I honestly have no idea why my father even wanted you to succeed him, your nothing but a cold hearted bastard!" I spat at him sharply, I didn't care I felt I had the right to express what I was feeling, Near was backing me into a corner and I wasn't about to fall into this trap.

I was continuing to make my way to leave, and as I turned around suddenly I swear it felt as if my heart stopped, and as if I was gasping for air. For a brief moment I wondered if this is what the Kira victims felt right before death, and I honestly wished in that moment that I was dead. I just said Near was trying to get me to fall into a trap, meanwhile I had just unintentionally dug a hole so deep for myself. With my eyes wide and my mouth about to hit the floor, I came face to face with blue orbs that I had come to know so well over the years, glaring at me in disbelief. I couldn't move, literally I felt paralyzed in my place, a part of me wished this was one of my nightmares and that I'd be waking up any minute now but when I didn't I swallowed hard and realized how badly I had just fucked up. I wondered why the hell he was here and how he found me but that was the least of my problems right now.

"What did you say?" He asked still in complete disbelief and utterly confused. I turned slightly to face Near and his back was toward us both and then I slowly faced forward again almost hoping he would disappear when I turned around.

I saw his expression was growing in confusion and shock and all I could do was mutter his name softly, "Mello..."

Authors note: reviews/follows will be much appreciated. The truth is officially out. The next chapter will pick up right where I left off and will deal with the aftermath of Sage's slip up.

thanks for reading xo


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Truth

"What did you say?" Mello said again but louder this time. I was still searching for what to say. As I looked into his eyes I saw the massive amount of emotion that was about to come to the surface. I tried so hard to speak but I couldn't, this is exactly what I wanted to avoid and my worst fear had just come true.

Mello had become fed up with me so he stopped waiting for my answer and he turned around quickly and left.

Only when I saw him make his way down the long hallway was I finally able to speak again, "Mello wait..." I called behind him, but he continued to walk without paying me any mind. I went to run after him but I was stopped for a moment when Near decided to speak.

"Well that was unfortunate, but I guess he had to know sooner then later" he said again in that cold tone of voice that suited him so well. I stood in my place and clutched both my hands into fists, my anger toward Near was increasing ten fold by each passing second, I knew he enjoyed what had just happened but I wasn't going to indulge him anymore.

"Oh and one more thing Sage, I suggest you check your computer later tonight, there might be something there for you" Near said, I didn't even want to begin to think about what he meant and at this point I honestly didn't care.

I turned to face him for the last time before I left, "I hate you..." I said lowly but loud enough for him to hear and without waiting to hear anything else he had to say, I began to run after Mello. He was already out of the building and was walking down the block, I was able to get close but as I called out to him he didn't slow down.

"Mello can you please just stop for one second" I pleaded with him as I tried my best to keep up with him.

"Why should I?" He said barely glancing behind his shoulder as he continued to walk ahead of me.

"If you stop I can explain" I said. I heard him snort under his breath as he continued to ignore me and I had enough of this, I moved a little faster and I was able to catch up to him, I grabbed him by the sleeve of his jacket and this caused him to stop dead in his tracks and forced him to face me.

"Please just give me a chance" I said slightly out of breath, he just stood in his place and stared at me. "Okay I know what you heard doesn't make any sense but it is true and I'm so sorry I didn't tell you" I started.

"How is that even possible? L having a child? That's insane" he said.

"Yeah I know that's how I feel and I still don't know the whole story, I just know that I'm his daughter, thats it" I said.

"How long did you know about this?" He questioned. I knew this part was going to make him even more upset with me then he already was and I looked down to the sidewalk as I answered.

"He wrote to me and I knew since Wammy's, when Roger called us all in to tell us he was dead" I muttered softly, ashamed of myself.

"Wammy's? Are you kidding me? So the whole time you've been with me, you've been keeping this from me? Unbelievable Sage..." Mello said more hurt then angry and he started to walk away from me again.

"You don't understand! I didn't know how to tell you I still don't even know how to handle it, I was 12 when I found out it was a lot for me to handle" I said as I once again was trying to catch up with him, "I knew how much you idolized him and I was afraid to tell you, I didn't want you to treat me differently or even hate me" when he heard me say that he stopped walking right before the crosswalk but he kept his back to me. I felt myself tensing up immensely and I could feel my eyes start to fill up with tears as I continued to speak. "It's just your all I have, I didn't want this to happen this way, believe me I was going to tell you but it's just...I don't want to lose you over this, I can't lose you..." I said as I felt the tears start to fall freely and silently. Mello turned and walked toward me, he was incredibly close and I was able to meet his blue eyes with ease.

"I could never hate you, but I let you come with me and stay with me for all these years, Ive looked out for you and I've never done things like that for anyone else, and I understand that you were 12 but you were also 13, 14, 15 and still you never even tried to tell me throughout these 5 years. I thought you and I were friends, I thought I could trust you with anything but I see now that I can't..." He said inches from my face and I started to gasp slightly at his words.

He examined my face for about a minute, seeing that I was truly hurt by his words but despite that he went to walk away again. "Im not the only one at fault here Mello, why didn't you tell me you were going after Kira?" This made him stop dead in his tracks once again.

"I didn't tell you because I was trying to protect you, that's all I ever try to do, that's why I keep you away from it all because I don't want you to get hurt, and thats how I found out where you were, I went to your room to check on you and I saw the address on the computer screen so I came to find you to make sure you were alright and this also makes me wonder if you were also ever going to tell me about your secret meeting with Near, but maybe this is wrong of me, treating you as if your some poor, defenseless girl when your clearly not. Maybe you and I should steer clear from one another and not worry about each other and our business" he said over his shoulder coldly.

"Are you asking me to leave?" I asked feeling as if my heart had been torn in two.

"No, I would never do that, I wouldn't kick you out knowing you have no one or no where to go, you can continue to stay where you are but as I said you and I shouldn't be the way we were, I'll do my own thing while you do yours with whomever you like and also what kind of a person would I be if I sent L's daughter to the streets?" he said completely emotionless. I know that Mello felt betrayed and hurt but every word he said was killing me inside and I was struggling to keep myself together and as I looked in up his eyes I could tell he was doing the same.

"Mello please I don't want it to be like this..." I begged him with my eyes still filled with tears.

"Sorry..." He muttered coldly and with that he started to walk away again, I was frozen in my place as I started to process what had just happened. I had just lost the one person who was always there for me over this secret, I couldn't move my feet until he was completely out of sight, I stumbled back to the car I borrowed to get here earlier and as I sat in the drivers seat I let my emotions overcome me. I put my head in my hands as I started to sob, he wanted nothing to do with me anymore and this is what I had feared for years and it has happened, one of my nightmares had manifested itself into a reality and I didn't know if I had the strength of mind and heart to handle it. I had already lost one person I loved and I had no control over it, I didn't want this to be the same situation. After about a full 20 minutes of letting it all out, I looked into the rear view mirror and I was a wreck, my eyes were double the size and my eye makeup was completely gone. I had no choice but to wipe my face with my sleeve and try to regain some composure before I started to drive.

I took my time getting back, but when I finally returned I looked around and saw it was still empty. When I finally heard people coming in, I peaked out of my door constantly to hope and see if I could catch Mello. I waited for hours in my room, everyone had been coming in and out including Matt, Rod and Jack but still no sign of him. I went to my bed and I must have fallen asleep at some point because I awoke to the moonlight shining through my window. I got up looked at the clock and saw there was only and hour remaining in this day, I couldn't wait for it to be over, this was by far the worst birthday I had ever had. I paced the floors and was chipping off my black nail polish and biting my fingernails so badly to the point where I barely had any left. I was nerve wracked and worried about him but ultimately heartbroken over all this.

I sat on a chair as I stared out my window when my feet had finally started to hurt from all my pacing. I pulled my legs to my chest as I continued to search for any sign of him at all, after awhile I felt that my efforts were fruitless and I was about to go back to my bed but before I did I heard the sound of an engine drawing close. I knew that sound anywhere, it was Mello's bike, I jumped back to my place as I watched him from above. He removed his helmet and just sat on his bike for a moment, I watched him intensely, he put his head in his hands and just sat almost as if he was debating something in his head, I wish I could've known what he was thinking. When I saw he was staying put I decided to try to catch him, I quickly threw on shoes and raced downstairs to get outside.

By the time I burst through the back doors, the bike was gone. I spun around a few times in the hopes he would still be around but he wasn't. Mello must have seen me staring at him and knew I'd try to come down and talk to him. I felt defeated, and again the weight in my chest started to overpower me, my knees became weak but this time I didn't fight it, I let them give out. I hoped that it would become less painful as the hours passed but it didn't, my tears started to flow freely once again as I was on my knees on the cold, hard pavement. The wind chill pierced my back and my cheeks began to turn red from the cold as well as my hands began to feel numb, and there I was out on the streets in the dead of a winter night, sobbing to myself, and completely, painfully alone.

**Authors note: reviews/follows will be much appreciated. The next chapter will be somewhat shorter and will deal with Sage and how she's coping with Mello's absence. Near will be appearing again most likely in chapter 7 but if not then definitely chapter 8. The flashback chapters about L are coming soon and after that as promised Light and the others will appear later on and Sage will be involved with capturing Kira. thanks so much for reading xo**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Absence

It has been a whole week since I met with Near and Mello found out the truth about me. A whole week of continuing to worry about him, he hasn't been back since I saw him on his bike briefly and I was too late when I finally made it outside. I've been keeping to myself as I normally do over the last few days, just simply staying in my room praying he would show up. Surprisingly my nightmares surrounding L's death ceased for now and instead it was replaced by my mind replaying the last conversation Mello and I had in the streets that day over and over again.

The tears had stopped as well at least for now. I literally felt as if I couldn't cry anymore and at the end of the day crying doesn't solve a thing or make anything about my situation better. True to his word, I did receive an email from Near once again, it's been sitting in my inbox for the last week, I haven't had the strength to open it and deal with whatever it was going to say to me so I put it on hold. Also, much to my dismay, I started to reconsider Near's offer about working with him. If Mello is going to stay gone, and truly wants nothing to do with me and he continues his own personal manhunt for Kira, then I had no other choice, as much as I hated to admit it, it would be better to work with Near then by myself. I owe it to my father to finish this, and I'd have to put my feelings for both Near and Mello aside to be able to accomplish my goal.

I decided to get some air, so for the first time in this past week I decided to go outside. As I stepped back into the area where Mello had taken off I placed my arms around myself in an effort to keep warm, I hadn't dressed in my normal attire, I was just lounging around in pajamas and the last thing on my mind was the cold air. It didn't bother me much, at least not now. As I stared down the empty streets, I heard the door open and close quickly, I barely turned around, I already knew who it would be. Him and I haven't spoken in awhile but I knew this is where he came to smoke. Matt appeared next to me and handed me a cigarette, I took it without any hesitation, I hadn't had one in forever. I continued to be silent as I smoked and stared into the air.

"Where have you been? I haven't seen you around lately?" he asked.

"Yeah I know, that's the point, I'm staying hidden for awhile" I replied looking down.

"Why? What's happened?" he asked again.

"Don't act like he didn't tell you" I said with a slight disdain in my voice.

"What are you talking about?" Matt asked.

"Mello, surely he told you what's happened and why he isn't here" I said. "

No I don't know, he didn't say where he was going" Matt said.

I then turned and faced him, "Come on Matt, you don't have to lie, I know that he's involved with going after Kira and so are the rest of you, I asked you something along those lines once before and you told me you didn't know, so please I'm not stupid" I said sharply.

"He asked me not to say anything to you" he said.

"Why would he do that?" I asked.

"I honestly have no idea what's going between the two of you but for whatever reason, he feels the need to protect you, I think he genuinely cares for you" Matt said as he put his cigarette out with his foot and turned to go back inside. I turned to try to catch him.

"If he cares so much, where is he now?" I asked.

"If I knew I would tell you but I don't, sorry" he said closing the door behind him.

I turned back around and sighed deeply seeing my breath in the cold air, I then finished the cigarette Matt gave me and made my way back upstairs. I glanced at the night table that had my laptop on it as well as the chocolate Mello had given me as a so called birthday present. I took it and shoved it into the drawer, getting it out of my sight. The absence of Mello was everywhere I turned and I didn't want anymore reminders. I instead reached for one of my strawberry lollipops and popped that in my mouth as I sat on my bed. I opened the computer to view the screen and I decided it was time to see what Near had sent to me.

As I clicked on the old, unopened message, an additional screen popped up.

It read: this document is to only be opened when the receiver is 18 years of age. This is to be only read by the individual who L selected personally. My eyes widened as I continued to read. The screen then required me to type in some sort of password. I sat there and thought what it could possibly be, it could be anything and I was lost. I had typed in a few things that were rejected, but after a few tries I saw a small notification underneath where the password was to be typed, it read: a name and an alias.

In a way it helped but I still was confused as I thought to myself. A name? Well there was my name, Sage, and my fathers which was simply L and as for aliases I used Cece but there's no way that could be an option, I came up with it on my own, and if I remembered correctly his was, I think, Ryuzaki.

I tried a combination of those four names and still nothing, I was getting fed up as I slightly tugged on my hair. I sat back for a moment and thought again, a name and an alias. After awhile I leaned forward, still with my lollipop rolling around in my mouth, I had come up with something but I wasn't sure if it would work but I didn't really have any other options left.

"Please work" I muttered aloud as I hit enter and sure enough the additional screen was gone and the document was finally starting to open. The password I used was Lawliet Ryuzaki, no one knew that was his last name so I took a leap of faith with it and for the first time in my life it worked out for me.

As I stared intently on the screen, it completely went black and what I saw caused me to once again feel as if my heart stopped. The screen then read:

The following is the record which contains everything I have investigated on the Kira incident. The fact that you are reading this message means I am no longer alive at this moment. I hereby leave this record as my firm achievement.

S, use this well.

I couldn't believe it, it was everything, pages and pages, countless entries, photos, suspect lists, anything and everything that had to do with Kira was all here. Everything L had ever researched, worked on, typed, was all here. I was in complete disbelief, he left this copy of everything to me, he knew I would be able to handle it now that I was older and he knew I would help finish this for him. I scrolled devouring countless bits of information but a few things stuck out at me. Supernatural notebook called death note, Shinigami, Eyes, Deaths caused by heart attacks...it was overwhelming but before I moved a muscle I noticed something else, the list of the top Kira suspects, with pictures, names and all information on these individuals included. Misa Amane, second Kira suspect, believed to be able to kill by only needing a persons face, plotting with the original Kira. As I stared at this blonde haired girl's picture, I couldn't imagine her being a killer but I've learned looks are deceiving.

I then scrolled down more and saw the picture of a handsome, young boy who couldn't have been much older then me when the picture was taken who has short caramel colored hair, that falls in his face slightly.

"Oh my God" I said as I recognized his face, I had seen it incredibly briefly when I went to talk to Near, on one of his many computer screens. But how could I remember that? I barely noticed it, I glimpsed at it if anything and yet seeing his face sent shivers down my spine. "Light Yagami..." I said as I gazed down at all the information under him. My father was absolutely certain that this boy was the first and true Kira.

Knowing that my father felt this way about this boy who also didn't look capable of countless murders was more than enough motivation for me to believe it as well. I know that L had great instincts and was never wrong, regardless of whether or not he could prove it. I knew what I had to do next, I quickly exited the screen and minimized the document, I unplugged the laptop from the charger outlet in the wall and shut the screen.

I jumped off my bed, got dressed quickly and threw my raven hair up in a ponytail. I once again grabbed any keys I could find and made my way back to the place I had wished I would never return to, but things are different now and as I said before, I swallowed my pride and burst through the large silver doors that opened automatically for me with my laptop under my arm.

With his back to me, in the empty room, he was stacking playthings as he noticed my presence. "Back so soon" he said smoothly, still not facing me just yet.

I walked up closer to him, placed the laptop on the table in front of him and spoke, "I want to know if your offer still stands, because if it does, I have something for you" I said seriously. He then faced me and then faced my computer, his eyes widened as well as he read the introduction.

"Well done Sage, you were able to crack the password, but I had no one idea this is what lurked in the message" he said as he read over everything I did. I then stepped away and let him do whatever he needed to as I sat on the very same chair I had before when I was here last week.

Near then turned, still in his crouching position, twirling a piece of his white hair as he spoke to me. "Are you sure you want to be involved in this and move forward?" he asked with a serious expression.

"Yes" I answered without any hesitation with my legs crossed and arms folded.

"What about Mello?" He asked raising his eyebrow slightly. The mention of his name felt like ice running through my veins but I promised myself, the only way I could get through this for the time being is to keep my emotions in check. The facts of the situation was that Mello was gone, would he ever be back? Would he get himself killed because of whatever he was planning to stop Kira? And if he did return would he look at me the same? I didn't have the answers to these questions, as much as it hurt me deeply, I had to consider the fact that Mello was out of my life and I had to continue to live and do what I feel must be done.

"Mello's gone..." I said looking down trying not to let any emotions slip. And with that Near turned away again and looked through all the new information I had given him. I simply sat in my place and took a few deep breaths. I then muttered lowly to myself so Near wouldn't be able to hear me as he was now busy, I looked up slightly and clutched my fists, "wherever you are, please...please be safe".

**Authors note: reviews will be much appreciated. I do not own death note. I know I said this chapter would be shorter but once I started I just couldn't stop. Anyway, Mello is not completely out of the picture and Sage's involvement in the case is moving forward. The flashback chapters are just around the corner and the message that Sage received containing all the Kira information was erased by Light but what no one knew was that L had already had it sent out before he died. Thanks to everyone who is a fan and is following this story, your support helps make the story.**

Thanks so much for reading xo


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: Exhaustion

I've been with Near for the better part of 12 hours, him and I were reading and re reading everything L had sent me in that document. I still couldn't believe it, how L knew all this would happen, I just wish he could be here. I understood now what he said in the letter he sent me years ago, that I was too young to comprehend all this and I'll admit I found myself struggling to understand a lot of aspects about this case. It seemed like it was coming straight from a scary fairytale, and I could also see how so many people wouldn't have believed this. If anyone else saw this they would automatically assume that L had gone insane over the course of a year and a half that he had spent on this case.

Some members of the SPK were coming in and out of the room and Near talked with them about making leads and moving forward. I was fighting myself to stay awake, it was pushing 3 am and my sleeping habits have been a mess for the longest time between nightmares and stress but especially now with all this going on, it was becoming even harder, with Mello being gone and now having all this game changing information in my lap.

I made sure I kept myself moving, trying my best not to sit down for long periods of time, pacing back and forth and keeping my eyes focused on the numerous computer screens that shined brightly forcing me to snap out of it.

I then bent down next to Near as we were alone once again. "So what are we going to do? Knowing all this is great but how do you even go about trying to prove any of this? That this guy, Light Yagami, simply writes the names of anyone he pleases into this so called death note and it automatically kills you...I mean it's insane, we don't even know where he is and we can't just barge into his life accusing him, if it all is true, he has ways of dodging the truth, I mean he was able to allude and even defeat L, we can't just dive into this head first" I said with a slight yawn at the end of my sentence.

Near glanced at me slightly, "Your right, we can't do that, it will take some time, I will continue to review L's notes and I'll formulate a plan of how to go about this" he said.

"Well what about me?" I asked as I noticed he completely excluded me from his plan.

"You will be involved, but you shouldn't worry too much now, you already have enough on your mind that is distracting you" he said.

"I'm not distracted" I said sharply as I stood up quickly and stepped away from him.

"No matter, you should get some rest" he suggested.

"No, I'm fine really" I said with my back to him, I was lying but I finally found an opportunity where I could be useful and I didn't want to go back to being on the sidelines and being hidden away in the dark.

"You'll be no use to either of us if your body gives out from pure exhaustion, so please just go, we've done plenty for today." Near said. I couldn't believe how he was speaking to me, it sounded like he actually cared about me, with legitimate concern in his voice. But who knows, maybe my sleep deprivation was making me hallucinate somewhat. I then gave in, he did have a point after all.

"Alright, I guess I'll be back later" I said as I walked back over to him and I went to take my laptop back. As I reached for it, Near suddenly snapped at my hand and grabbed it without even looking at me, I've never felt his hands before, they were surprisingly soft yet cold and his grip was fierce.

I shot him an expression of confusion as I just stood there, not even trying to break my hand free of him. He then turned slightly and released me slowly, I then placed my hand back at my side as I just stared at his next moves.

"Wait just one moment" he said, he then fiddled with my computer as well as his, I saw him plug in a cord to connect both devices, I then watched the screens as I saw the document L sent me appear on his computer screen. "I wanted to transfer the files onto my hard drive" he said as he stood upright, I hadn't seen him on his feet in years, it was a rare sight, he had grown taller, he was around my height if not maybe an inch shorter.

"So it's off my computer now?" I asked.

"Yes, don't worry it's safe here and you don't want to run the risk of anyone else finding it, you never know what could happen if it got into the wrong hands, it will be protected along with the rest of my files" he said. It didn't really matter to me, but in a way I felt uncomfortable that Near assumed I couldn't handle what was given and addressed specifically to me but maybe he had a point about this as well, he works with government agents who know how to keep things hidden and I'm living with members of the mob, if they ever got raided, it would be all over and everything L had entrusted to me would be gone and I didn't want that ever to happen.

Also by coming here and sharing all this with Near and agreeing to work with him, I had to trust him and his way of doing things. He has more experience in these fields than I do, and like I promised myself I would have to put my feelings aside to the best of my ability to be able to get things done.

"Ok then" I said as I picked up my laptop and put it under my arm, I was about to leave when the large silver doors opened for me and I stood in the in between when Near called out to me once more.

"One more thing..." he said as I turned in my place, "There seems to be something else here for you, unrelated to the Kira information." He said with slight curiously in his voice. My interest was peaked as well, I had received more than enough information to last me a lifetime and I couldn't even imagine what it could be.

"What is it?" I asked from my place.

"I'll print it for you" Near said as he moved quickly and came toward me with the handful of pages.

As he also came into the doorway, he handed it to me slowly. "They seem to be diary entries" he said looking up at me. My focus was shifted to the pages as I grasped them and skimmed the first page lightly but my eyes were becoming to heavy to be able to finish at the moment.

"Diary entries?" I questioned to no one in particular, just out into the open. Without any more hesitation, I took them, folded them and placed them in the pocket of my leather jacket.

"Written by L perhaps" he said and I simply nodded.

"I'll soon find out" I said lowly and I then looked up and I met Near's eyes that were already locked on me and I simply flashed him a small grin as I turned to leave.

My exhaustion was starting to overpower me but I held my ground and walked down the long hallway, out to the car and proceeded to drive back. I entered quietly and went straight to my room, I took off my boots and threw my jacket to the floor. I put the computer back on the night table and dove into bed. I didn't even bother getting undressed, I simply hugged my pillow as my mind slowly drifted off. I was amazed at how many things could happen in a day, but I shouldn't be too surprised, my life changed over the course of a day, starting back at Wammy's house those now 6 years ago. As my mind and body found peace in gaining some much needed rest, I still felt myself tossing and turning slightly and I felt myself shiver due to my window being open and the cold breeze of a winter night passing around me. My mind wasn't plagued with any nightmares at all, or even any dreams, it was simply quiet and dark and I found it to be comforting and something I could even get used to.

A few hours after I had fallen asleep, I felt my body stir slightly and my eyes opened for a brief moment, I felt as if I wasn't alone in my room, I sensed a presence almost as if someone was standing over me. I didn't open my eyes anymore to try and see, I couldn't, I was still in a state of deep slumber. I could swear awhile later I felt a very light touch on my head, felt almost like the back of hand touching or even stroking my hair gently, whether it was a figment of my imagination due to my massive lack of sleep or it was real, it calmed me even more and made me feel comforted.

My eyes finally shot open when the sunlight was piercing through my window, I rubbed my eyes a bit and stretched. I felt better than I had in a long time, considering my circumstances and I looked over to the clock and saw it was already the mid afternoon. I truly needed the sleep and I wasn't going to feel guilty and deny my body what it needed, as I went to get up, I shuffled to my bathroom and washed up, I then stepped on my leather jacket on the ground and remembered the pages that were inside my pocket. I picked it up, placed the jacket over a nearby chair and pulled out the now crumbled pieces of paper. I sat back down on my bed but before I began to read, I noticed something. When I had just gotten up, I had thrown a thin blanket off my body and onto the floor, when I came back late last night, I just dived into bed, I didn't cover myself because I remembered feeling the cold breeze throughout the night. Someone was here, I wasn't dreaming, someone came into my room and covered me and they even touched me.

I shot up quickly and open my door and looked around, I heard and saw nothing, I was alone, I then closed my door and wondered what had happened and who did it but my mind was more focused on other things. I got back onto my bed and grabbed the papers, I straightened them out the best I could and I prepared myself to read. The first page out of the many that I held read:

Sage,

These entries I recorded will tell you of one of my earliest cases and also a time when my life changed for the better as well as explain how Wammy's House became your home. Once again, it deeply saddens me that I couldn't be able to tell you everything I have written for you personally, but I hope you will be able to forgive me and understand that everything I have done was for your safety.

Ryuzaki

I was finally going to learn how my life began and many of my questions that I've had since I was a little girl were going to be answered. Anytime I read anything by L addressed to me makes me remember all the times he came to see me, I cherish those moments more than anything and I would give up anything and everything to have him back even if it was only for a day. I took a deep breath and placed the first page to the side, as I began to read the next, I allowed myself to be taken into his words, these entries were taking me back in time to 1994.

**authors note: reviews/follows will be much appreciated. The story has been told by Sage's point of view thus far but the next few chapters will be told from L's point of view during his involvement in the Los Angeles BB cases. I changed L's age to suit the story, instead of L dying at 25, like in the anime, he died at the age of 30, making him 18 years old in the year 1994 when he fathered Sage. She learned that she was his daughter when she was 12 on the verge of being 13 so now in the present day after the time-skip and her latest birthday, she is 18 and the year is now 2013.**

**Thanks so much for reading xo**


	9. Chapter 9

**Authors note: this is a much shorter chapter. It is the first out of the few diary entries L had left attached to all the Kira information to tell Sage of how her life began. **

Chapter 9: 1994

L's POV

Diary Entry #1

I wish I could say I came to California for better reasons. Maybe a reason why everyone else would come, to go sight seeing, possibly take a nice vacation, but no I'm here with the intention to stop a cold blooded killer. I decided to become a detective to rid the world of people like this and I'm finding its not always easy. This is will mark my first case in which the suspect eluded me so to the point where I had to seek outside help besides myself but I'm willing to do whatever is necessary. After only living in England for my entire life and being raised in an orphanage, I find the world outside my comfort zone interesting yet complicated. But I didn't travel alone, my handler, Watari, accompanied me on my journey here. It is nice to have someone with you every now and then. He is also familiar with the suspect I am after. A few years ago, Watari began taking in children that he believed would be worthy successors for me. It was going well up until the first choice, simply referred to as A, unfortunately committed suicide due to the enormous amount of pressure he felt over succeeding me. Next was Beyond Birthday, or commonly known as BB, he left Wammy's house abruptly after he learned he was the next contender to succeed me, but he felt he wanted to be better than me, surpass me, not take over for me. He doesn't believe in justice and he was always different but dangerously similar to myself, he and I are almost like twins when it comes to our appearances and even some of our habits but one thing I could never understand, and it's one of the easiest ways to tell us apart, is how he manages to have eyes that are as red as blood. But something inside BB causes him to be deeply disturbed, and his inner feelings and actions have made him become a wanted killer. I've been tracking him for a few months and due to his vast intelligence, he manages to slip away. He also prefers to use our similar appearance to his advantage, by pretending to me whenever he has the opportunity or to disguise himself immensely. He has been able to pull off this charade due to the simple fact that no one, outside the select few I've chosen to see me, know what I look like. I've recruited FBI agent, Naomi Misora, to work under me in this case. She has proven herself to be an excellent asset in moving forward to catch BB. She believes she may have found someone who might be able to identify BB for us, as I was told, this witness is the daughter of one of his latest victims, she will be brought to me sometime soon. I can only imagine what this girl has been through and what she might have seen but any help at this point would prove useful.

**authors note: reviews will be much appreciated. **

**thanks so much for reading xo**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10: Vera

L's POV  
Diary Entry #2

BB had struck again over the course of the last two weeks. He claimed a young girl as well as a young man. The pattern in which he kills still baffles me, it's almost as if these kills are purely random but there's no doubt in my mind that he does this on purpose, it makes sense, if I assume he has a pattern I'll fall into the trap he sets for me and once I think I'm getting closer to an answer, a brand new unrelated kill will fall into my lap. I'm finding that he is too smart for his own good.

I will be meeting with the girl who's father's life was taken a few weeks ago later today. Naomi will be bringing her to me, I've been told her name is Vera Kyle and she is no more than 17 years old. Her mother had left her father a few years earlier and she was an only child. Naomi also told me that Vera was present in their home when BB attacked and that she was in a state of shock. That was completely understandable, BB has a reputation for leaving behind gory and gruesome crime scenes but as I said before any form of help was better than none at all.

As the clock struck 8 and I was typing away at my computer, the door opened. I could sense there was more than one person in the room and before I turned to face my visitors, Naomi spoke "L, this is Vera" she said and as I turned to face this frightened young girl, her eyes were glued to the floor and her dark brown hair was covering her face.

I then stood up from my crouching position and slowly made my way over to her.

"Hello" I said to her as I reached my hand out slowly, she lifted her hazel eyes from the ground and stared at my face directly. In that moment, she screamed out loudly at the top of her lungs. The sound of her scream startled both myself and Naomi, she broke out of Naomi's grip and made her way into a corner as she pointed a finger at me with her arm shaking like a leaf.

"It's him, your the one..." She said with her entire body trembling and her voice cracking. "You killed my father!" She screamed out. I looked at her in disbelief but I realized why she was so afraid, she was mistaking me for BB. I tried to approach her but I as I took one step forward she cried out even more, Naomi instead went to her aid and true to calm her down. I retreated back to my place and waited for her to regain some of her composure.

After a few moments, Vera approached me slowly and stared at every inch of my body, taking in all aspects of my form, I must admit it was making me rather uncomfortable but I said nothing, I didn't want to upset her again. She then sat down next to me and I could feel her eyes burning into the side of my head, I turned to face her slightly and after awhile she finally spoke to me.

"Your eyes..." She whispered and I raised an eyebrow slightly at her words. "Their different, his were completely red, unlike anything I've ever seen before..." She continued sounding much calmer than earlier. I knew what she was referring to, BB eyes were the only thing that was noticeably different about us and I was happy to know that this poor young girl no longer thought I was the savage murderer that had scarred her for life.

"Why do you look so much like him?" she asked.

"I don't know" I answered quickly. She simply looked down and rolled pieces of her dark hair behind her ears as she sat on the floor just like me.

"May I ask you something?" I said softly and I saw her nod in the corner of my eye. "Would you be willing to help me find him by telling me everything you know?" I questioned. She nodded once again, I then nodded as well as I returned to my computer but all throughout the next few hours, she couldn't take her eyes off me, at some points I found myself staring at her as well. I felt the deepest sympathy for her, she was the first surviving victim of any of the BB murders and I wanted to do everything in my power to make sure her mind would be at peace again once he was captured.

**authors note: reviews will be much appreciated.**

**thanks so much for reading xo**


	11. Chapter 11

**Authors note: there will be only two more flashback chapters, then the main story will resume again. **

Chapter 11: Bond

L's POV Diary Entry #3

It took Vera some time before she was able to relive that night but after a few days of being in my company she finally felt comfortable enough to open up to me. She had been staying with me since her home was closed off as a crime scene. Most of the time she slept and kept quiet but I found myself staring at her more often than not, for reasons I didn't fully understand but she was doing incredibly well for someone who went through what she had just experienced.

"All I remember is, that it was late at night and I heard some noise downstairs. At first I didn't think anything of it until I heard muffled screams, my heart was pounding in my chest but I made my way quietly down the steps. It was dark and I slipped and fell into a puddle of blood, it covered my legs and my arms. The only light in the entire house was coming from the kitchen and that's when I saw my father's lifeless body..." I stared at her and waited for her to continue as she was becoming emotional.

"And I ran to him and knelt by his side and I didn't know what to do but I looked up and saw a tall, thin figure, hunched over in the corner with black hair like yours and with bags under his eyes too, he had the blood all over his hands and he was licking it off his fingers as he shot this evil grin and all I could focus on was his blood red eyes and then he was gone..." Vera said as tears starts to roll down her pale cheeks and she held her head in her hands.

It even hurt me to see her in so much pain so I tried my best to comfort her, I placed my hand on her shoulder as I felt her body tremble beneath it. After awhile she stopped crying and she removed my hand off her shoulder and held it in hers, I felt a slight wave of nerves overcome me as she did this.

"I think he also said something" she muttered as she examined my hand.

"What?" I asked.

"He said something about it being his time, I have no idea what that means" she said as let go of my hand suddenly.

What she said stuck out at me, how could BB know when someone was ready or meant to die? I still was unsure of this detail.

"Sorry but that's all I know, I wish I could be more help" she said as she went back to where she had been sleeping over the last week.

"It's alright, you've given me more than enough to go on" I said as I faced my computer.

"Do you think you'll be able to catch him?" she asked.

"Yes " I said quickly.

Even though I had my doubts, I needed to stay positive not only for myself but for Vera as well. She stared at me from her place and I had to fight the urge to turn and face her, we were forming some sort of bond between us, she was the only interaction I have been taking part in over the last week and she herself was alone as well. That was the one true thing we shared.

A few days later, Naomi felt she had a new lead, she believed a man named Rue Ryuzaki might actually be BB in disguise. As she moved forward, I continued my research with Vera by my side, all she did mostly was watch me. I was starting to get comfortable around her, seeing her face everyday was almost becoming part of my routine. She was truly beautiful, there was just something about her that made me feel a certain way that I've never felt before. Considering the circumstances we met under, our relationship was growing more and more with every passing day. I was getting to know her, she was getting to know me, she was my first friend but a part of me yearned for something more.

** authors note: reviews will be much appreciated. **

**thanks so much for reading xo**


	12. Chapter 12

**Authors note: the next chapter will be the last flashback chapter.**

Chapter 12: Lawliet

L's POV

Diary Entry #4

Over the past week, Vera had been talking a lot about trying to find her mother and about going to live with her after this was all finished. I hated hearing her say these things, my feelings for her were becoming more than I could handle but I still managed to keep it all under wraps. The idea of her leaving troubled me, she was the first person I had come to care about in ways like this and for my own selfish reasons I wanted her to always be here. But that wasn't a realistic idea, she had been through a major ordeal and if leaving is what she needs to be able to carry on then I'd have to let her go, no matter how much I dread the subject.

"What will you do after this?" Vera asked me as she sat beside me and picked at the variety of sweets that were around us.

"I'm not sure" I said, avoiding eye contact with her.

"Do you think you'll stay in America?" She asked again. I simply shrugged my shoulders as I stared at my computer screen. I didn't want to think of the future just yet because I knew she wouldn't be in mine.

"What's the matter?" She asked trying to get me to face her. She placed both of her hands on my shoulders and I automatically felt myself tense up at her touch. I stopped what I was doing but still had my back to her.

"Nothing" I said quickly but I knew she wouldn't believe me.

"Doesn't seem like nothing, maybe you should take a break, all you do is stare at your computer, I don't think I've ever seen you sleep this whole time I've been here" she said with concern in her voice.

"I don't really sleep much" I said biting on my thumb.

"Well you should, at least for a little while" Vera said as she removed her hands from me, in that moment I had to force myself not to say anything. I enjoyed the warmth of her hands and I wanted the moment to last.

Vera stood up and walked away from me as I continued to face front but when I finally went to turn around, my cell phone rang, it was Naomi and I didn't hesitate to answer. We spoke briefly but I felt my eyes widen at her words. She had taken Rue Ryuzaki into custody and much to our suspicions, he was BB. This was great news, the countless inhabitants of California were safe as well as others but in a way I felt discouraged because I knew what this also meant, it meant Vera would be leaving as soon as possible. Once I hung up with Naomi, I thought about how I should break the news to her but I wasn't given much time to figure it out because she came to my side again.

"What happened?" She asked as she once again crouched next to me.

"That was Naomi, she just arrested BB" I said lowly. I looked at her face briefly and I saw her eyes widen as well.

"Oh my god, that's incredible, I didn't think it would happen so fast" she said.

Tell me something" she said slightly out of breath as she looked up at me.

"Anything" I answered.

"What's your name?" she asked.

"You already know my name" I said.

It's Lawliet" I said. No one besides Watari knew my full name but I trusted her and I wanted her to know, I felt as if I didn't need to hide myself from her so I let my guard down completely.

"Lawliet...I like it" she said as she smiled and pushed some of my hair out of my face.

I then leaned into her once again and we continued what we started. That night was one I'll always remember, that night for the first time I gave myself completely to another person. Vera and I made love that night, I never thought I'd ever connect with a person I'd know for such a short period of time but I did. I was in a state of pure ecstasy, I had found someone who truly cared about me, the real me, I didn't have to hide behind a computer screen for this to happen. If I didn't know better I would say I loved her truly, it wasn't out of pity or sympathy due to her situation, it was pure love. But my feeling of utter happiness was short lived...

I awoke a few hours later surprised that I actually had gotten some peaceful sleep but that wasn't my biggest surprise. I felt as if something was wrong, I got up and looked around and everything of Vera's was gone. It was almost as if she was never here, like knowing or being with her was just one, long dream. I sat back down on the bed and ran my fingers over the side where she was, I knew this would happen but I didn't want it to be this way. I had no choice, I had to face the painful truth, Vera was gone and I was alone once again.

**Authors note: reviews will be much appreciated. **

**thanks so much for reading xo**


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13: Daughter

L's POV Diary Entry #5

It's been seven months since Vera left that night. I found myself wanting to try and find her but something stopped me, as much as I cared for her, even loved her, it would be wrong of me to take her away from the life she wanted to have. Although I wish she could've at least said goodbye to me, I know it wouldn't have been easy but I just wish I could've heard her voice one last time. I stayed in California for a little while longer even after she left, to close the BB case, and since then I returned to England. I continued my detective work and since Los Angeles I've had a handful of cases. I was looking for as many as possible to take my mind off my heartbreak. A naive part of me is wishing and even waiting for her to come through my door the way she did all those months ago but I knew that possibility was slim to none.

Days rolled by with me doing nothing more then simply staring at my computer and doing what I do best but one day in late December, Watari came to me with news from America. It was Vera, she wanted to see me and she needed me to come to her. I told her all about Wammy's house and that England was my home, she had contacted Watari in the hopes that I would come, I didn't need any explanations, later that same day I boarded a plane returning to California. When the plane touched down on the ground finally, I felt more nervous than I ever have in my entire life. It's was conflicting, I was beyond thrilled that I would be seeing her again but the other part of me was fearful of what I was going to face. She left me abruptly and now almost eight months later, out of the blue she contacts me. I had to keep my mind clear to the best of my ability because I would be seeing her again soon. Watari and I traced Vera's call to a local hospital in Los Angeles, the minute I found this out, I was worried and I hoped nothing serious had happened to her. We entered and almost immediately a nurse was there to greet us but shortly after she pulled me aside to speak to me.

"Are you Mr. Lawliet?" She asked me.

"Yes" I said with my hands in my pockets, anxious to know what's happened.

"Ms. Kyle told me you would come, I'm sorry to have to tell to you this but she passed away last night".

It felt as if my heart dropped to floor, I felt my hands start to shake, I felt my face become warm and I was on the verge of breaking down in tears but instead of doing all that I simply covered my face with one of my hands and didn't speak for a moment. As I tried so hard to breath and to keep myself standing, I locked my eyes to the floor as I muttered my next words.

"What happened?" I asked.

"She went through a very difficult ordeal, she insisted to everyone that you be found and contacted since she had no one else by her side, and after she heard that you would come, she finally found peace" the nurse said to me as I continued to try my best to fight my emotions from flooding out at least in that moment.

"There's more..." She continued and then I looked up suddenly.

"What else could there possibly be?" I asked completed defeated and heartbroken.

"Come I'll show you" she said and with that she started to walk away. I followed her down the hallway as we then entered an empty room.

"What is this?" I asked impatiently.

"This was Vera's room and there's something in here you need to see" the nurse said as she stepped behind the curtain and then slowly pulled it back. What met my eyes next was something I'd never thought I'd see and for a brief moment, the massive pain in my chest ceased and was replaced by confusion. I saw a tiny newborn, wrapped in a white blanket, with a pink hat on its head, sleeping soundly. I approached it slowly and placed my hands on the plastic that surrounded where the baby slept as I slightly leaned forward.

"This is your daughter" the nurse said from behind me.

"Daughter..." I repeated to myself, I was in complete and utter disbelief, Vera and I were only together for one night, how could this have happened? Why didn't she contact me sooner if she knew she was pregnant? I felt dizzy, almost sick in that moment so I sat down on the closest chair I could find and just ran my fingers through my hair.

"What's her name?" I asked unable to think of anything else in that moment.

"Sage Cecilia Lawliet, Vera took one look at the unique color of her eyes and decided on Sage, her middle name is the name of Vera's mother and Lawliet because of you". I was still frozen, all I could do was nod slightly at her words. "She was born early, she wasn't expected until early February but she was born last night on December 27th".

"Is there something wrong with her?" I asked as my head shot up quickly.

"No, not all, she is completely healthy, just a little small but she will grow at a normal rate and we can release her to you in the morning" the nurse said as she walked by me and placed a hand on my shoulder, "I'll give you some time" and with that I was alone in this dark room next to this small, innocent life.

After a few moments, I was able to get back on my feet. I walked over to her and I slowly reached my arms out and picked her up ever so gently. I was speechless, breathless, it was as if the earth stopped moving. I simply held her tightly as I stared at her, she was so beautiful, despite all that had happened, I had never felt more happiness, fear and love rush through my heart and mind as I did in that moment.

"Sage..." I whispered and it was as if she heard me, she stirred in my arms and her eyes opened slightly. As I saw these beautiful, tiny, green-grey eyes look at me, I could do nothing but smile. She then started to cry but I quickly rocked her in my arms softly and the crying stopped, she then grabbed a hold of one of my fingers with one of her tiny hands and closed her eyes again. I couldn't believe what was happening, I was a father, I never imagined this would ever happen, I was only 18 years old, I didn't know the first thing on how to be a parent and me being who I am and what I do in this world, I couldn't be a father, it would be too dangerous for her.

As I sat back down with Sage in my arms, I thought of what I was going to do and before long I came up with a solution. As much as it pained me, I knew what had to be done. I was going to have to send Sage to the very place where I was raised. I wouldn't trust any other home to take care of her and I could see her as much as I like but she can never know who I am to her. It was unfair, immoral and I was ashamed of myself but I had no other choice, what I had just gone through with BB made me realize just how serious certain cases can be and that my life might be taken trying to solve one, I didn't want my daughter to be in jeopardy, if anyone ever wanted to target me, her life would be in danger as well. She won't know anything until she is old enough to understand and I pray that she will forgive me what I did to her.

The next morning Watari and I took Sage to England, to her new home, Wammy's house. Although it wasn't the usual protocol to take in infants, it was done for me based on my circumstances as well as my connection to my former home. As the months went by, I was with her as much as possible, as she grew we formed a relationship and I did everything in my power to see her smiling face. It was incredible how much she looked like her mother as well as myself. She had her mother's smile as well as her complexion and she had hair as black as mine. I just wish Vera could see her, she would love her so much, and whenever I find myself missing her I simply look at Sage and I am reminded that she never truly left me, that she is here and that she would always be here through our daughter. I vow that I will continue to see her as often as possible and do whatever I have to in order to keep her protected.

I will tell her who I am when the time is right. I look forward to the day where she and I no longer have to hide, that we an be ourselves together and enjoy our lives. I believe that day will come, I dream of that day. I never thought that over the course of a simple month's time my life would change for the better, despite the circumstances. Sage, if you ever find and read these entries, just know that I loved your mother and I love you more than anything and I will continue to love you until death and beyond.

**Authors note: Reviews will be much appreciated. this is the last flashback chapter. Chapter 14 will resume the main story and Sage will be the narrator once again. As I said before her involvement in the case is moving forward but she will soon find herself torn. Mello and Near are also returning. thanks so much for reading xo**


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14: Return

I loosened my grip on the diary entries as I leaned my body back onto the wooden headboard of my bed. The mystery of how I came to be was finally solved, I finally had answers but they weren't the answers I wanted. I guess it was still the little girl inside of me that wished at least one of my parents were alive and that I'd actually get more time with them but this wasn't the case. I now knew that I was officially a orphan, as strange as it seems I felt discouraged by that even though my circumstances suggested that I was one anyway. I would've loved to meet my mother, the way L described her gave me a vivid picture of her in my mind and I could almost see the two of them together. What got to me the most out off all this was the tragic end my mother had, it wasn't fair for her to go through what she went through to only be taken away when she had finally found someone who cared for her and loved her even if the idea frightened her. I also feel for my father, it isn't fair that the first person he ever loved left him the way she did and they had so little time together.

In a perfect world, none of this would've happened, we would be a happy family together today, but sadly the world is far from perfect. Out of sheer curiosity, I opened my laptop quickly and I researched the man my father had written about, Beyond Birthday. Countless articles came up as well as a mugshot. My father was right, it was insane how they resembled each other. As I scrolled down I found that he had passed away in prison a few years ago, when I read the cause of death was by a sudden and unknown heart attack around 2007, I knew who eliminated him from the world, Kira. I also finally realized why my father was constantly referred to as Ryuzaki, he adopted it from this case, in a way it was a smart choice, no one would ever guess his real name from this alias but also it was a painful remainder of what happened during his time on the case, maybe that's why he chose it. I then got up, stretched slightly and I noticed the sun was starting to set, I decided I was going to place these entries in the same hiding spot I have kept the letter that I had received back at Wammy's house all those years ago written by L, confirming the fact that I'm his daughter. Assuming that I was still alone I didn't worry about anyone noticing what I'd be up to. The hiding spot I chose was a loose floorboard right outside my room by the steps, no one ever thinks twice about it and when I realized how I could use it to my advantage I jumped on the opportunity.

I gathered the loose papers in my hands as I started to make my way to the door, when I opened it, I wasn't prepared for what I saw, I didn't know what to feel happy, confused, angry, the list goes on but all I knew was that I was glad he was alive...

"Mello..." I gasped.

He was surprised as well, I could tell from the look on his face that he hoped he would be alone and that I wasn't around. I was frozen in my place, he looked the same as if nothing changed. I wanted so desperately to tell him all that has happened but the last time we spoke it was far from desirable. He made his feelings clear to me even though it killed me.

"Your back" I said still staring at him intently.

"For the time being, yes" he said as he went to go toward his room.

"Wait, where have you been?" I called out after him as he started to walk away.

"It doesn't matter" he said coldly, I could tell he was still harboring those feelings of anger and betrayal toward me.

"It matters to me, I was so worried about you" I said as I followed him to his door.

He said nothing to what I said, he just kept his back to me for awhile before I spoke again.

"Is this the first time you've been back since that night I saw you on your bike?" I still received no answer from him. But as I thought I realized something, "Did you come into my room the other night?" I asked and he stopped in his place.

It made all the sense in the world, who else would've come? But why didn't he stay?

He then turned to me, "I was looking for your computer"

"My computer?, why?" I questioned.

"While I was gone, I had you followed, I know that you've been seeing Near and I know it has something to do with your computer because you took it with you when you went to go see him, I know you must have some sort of information on the Kira case".

I couldn't believe it, why would Mello do this? If he wanted to know so badly why didn't he just ask or even come back sooner? I didn't know what to say, once again I felt as if I was at a loss for words but that didn't stop Mello.

"It's also surprising to me that all of a sudden your so willing to trust him and share whatever information you received with him. He hasn't been in your life for years and you open up to him over night but as for me I've been your friend and took care of you ever since you came to be with me and I get lied to for all this time..." He said with the anger becoming more and more noticeable in his voice.

"Mello, it's not like that, if you would've been here you would've been the first to know" I said feeling slightly nervous.

"That still doesn't explain why you formed this alliance with him, I thought you couldn't stand the sight of him" Mello said coming closer to me.

"You were gone, I had no idea where you were or if you were ever coming back, the last time you and I spoke you told me you wanted nothing to do with me anymore and that we should steer clear of each other and that you couldn't trust me, remember that? So who else was I supposed to go to? I can't end this alone..." I said standing my ground even though I could hear my heart beating in my ears.

Mello said nothing, he simply stared at me angrily and intensely, more than I've ever seen him do before but before long our eye contact was broken and he start to walk away from me again.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"I'm going to pay your friend a little visit" he said with sarcasm in his voice. I knew what this meant, Mello was already fuming from our conversation as well as what had happened last week and he was going to start something with Near if I didn't stop him. Mello always let's his emotions get the best of him but I couldn't let this happen now. I didn't have time to put the entries away so I quickly grabbed my leather jacket and folded the pieces of paper and put them back in my pocket. I raced to catch up to Mello, by the time I got outside he was already driving away at full speed on his bike. I got into the first car I saw and followed him. He jumped off his bike and ran into the building and I quickly followed after him. When Mello burst through the doors he was met by a few SPK members as well as Near himself.

I stumbled in after him and Near already knew we were there without having to turn around.

"I didn't expect to see you back here" Near said calmly.

"Yeah well don't get too used to it" Mello said as he approached him.

"To what do I owe the pleasure", Near had no idea what he was getting into right now I just wish for once he wouldn't be so quick to push Mello's buttons.

"You know exactly what I'm here for" Mello said as he paced slightly around where Near sat.

"Pray tell" Near responded without even looking up to him.

"The information, the files or whatever it is on the Kira case that you have that Sage brought to you, show it to me now" he said raising his voice.

"I thought you were making progress with catching Kira doing it your own way..." Near said still seated and avoiding eye contact. Mello was getting angrier by the minute and in the blink of an eye, Mello reached into his pants pocket and pulled out his gun and pointed it at Near's head.

I gasped at the sight, "Mello don't!" I shouted at him as I and members of the SPK went to approach them.

"No, it's alright, everyone stay where you are" Near said and we listened to him, we all simply stood in our places as we waited for the next thing to happen.

"I'm not just some puzzle piece you can use in one of your games Near, now tell me what I need to know" Mello said still standing firmly in his place with his gun in hand.

"If you were going to shoot me Mello, you would have already but no matter I'd be more than happy to show you what I know, all you have to do is look on the computer directly in front of you and open the file labeled Kira" Near said and within seconds Mello put his gun away and went to the computer.

I was still in shock, I couldn't understand how Near was able to stay so calm just now but I felt a huge wave of relief when Mello finally retreated from his threatening stance. Mello stood at the computer for a good five minutes taking in as much as he could simply with his eyes and mind.

"Yagami..." I heard him mutter then he quickly started to walk toward the exit where I was.

"Done so soon?" Near questioned as Mello continued to walk away.

"I have all that I need for now" he said as he exited the building. I went to go after him but Near called out to me.

"Sage, did you ever get around to seeing what those diary entries were all about?" He said still facing forward.

"I can't talk about it right now" I said anxiously wanting to catch up to Mello.

"Ok then, well talk soon" he said and I simply left without answering him. When I got outside I saw Mello's bike was gone once again but I got back into the car and drove back as quickly as possible and ran up the stairs. I heard only a pair of footsteps which meant that he was here. I walked toward his room and saw him walking around inside.

"What are you going to do?" I asked him desperately trying to figure out what he was planning.

"It doesn't concern you" he said.

"Yes it does concern me! Whether you like it or not I'm involved in this, I want this to end just as much as you do but I want it to end so I know that my father will finally be at peace as well as Kira's countless other victims, it isn't about competition to me" I said raising my voice and this caused Mello to stop and look at me. "I don't understand why you and Near are locked in this cycle that the both of you need to surpass each other, did you ever stop and think that maybe with all three of us working together we can end this? Instead of working separately and making no progress at all?" I said hoping to gain an answer.

He hesitated in answering me but I was in no hurry to leave.

"I have considered that, I have considered working with someone to end this but that someone wasn't Near, as you can plainly see from earlier as well as from our childhood, him and I don't get along, we never have and we never will, it's as simple as that. We are complete opposites and that won't change, we have different ways of doing things and yes it is a competition to see who gets to the end of this first" Mello said folding his arms.

"But what good is all this competition and going against each other if you both die trying to accomplish the same goal? It's not about who's better, it's about stopping Kira, maybe that's what L wanted for you to work together, maybe thats why he couldn't choose between the two of you, he knew this would happen and that you would both have to put your minds and talents together to stop this" I said hoping to talk sense into him.

Mello approached me slowly once again as he stared into my eyes, "Did L also know that his daughter would be thrown into the mix and become intent on catching Kira as well?" He asked and I didn't have an answer, he had a point in that, my father didn't want me to be involved, he just wanted to keep me protected but he sent me all that information because he knew I could be trusted with it and he also knew that I could turn to either Near or Mello for help or even both of them.

The last thing I want to do is to choose between them. I ignored Mello's question and changed the subject back to the topic at hand, "So what is it your going to do?" I asked.

"Well if you must know now, I'm planning an aggressive approach" he said, hearing that didn't exactly surprise me but it still worried me.

"Like?" I asked still wanting to know more.

"I'm going to go after Yagami's younger sister" he said as he left the room abruptly.

"What?" I said, calling after him in pure and utter shock but Mello didn't respond he kept walking. Having Mello return back into my life was something I was hoping for ever since I thought he was never coming back but I didn't want it to be like this...

**Authors note: reviews will be much appreciated. The main story is resuming once again and the next chapter will pick up where I left off. Sage's involvement keeps moving forward but she will find herself having to possibly choose who to side with. thanks so much for reading xo**


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15: Plan

I chased after Mello trying to make sense out of all this.

"Yagami's younger sister? What does she have to do with any of this?" I asked him as I ran down the stairs in an attempt to catch up to him.

"I intend on making a trade" Mello said as he put his jacket on.

"A trade for what?" I asked.

"If Yagami really is Kira, I plan on proving it, I'm going to make progress as fast as possible unlike Near, so if I take his sister in exchange for her safe return, I want the death note" Mello said as he continued to walk outside and walk toward his bike.

I was still unsure of this so called plan, I highly doubt Light Yagami will go down without a fight and if he is the one who took over for L, he could find Mello in a heartbeat and have him killed after this stunt that he is about to pull.

Before I could protest Mello's actions any further, he started to drive away in an unknown direction. I walked back into the house and just leaned against the front door for a moment as I released a deep sigh, trying to reason with Mello was trying to move a brick wall. As much as I deeply cared about him, sometimes I honestly just wanted to smack him or shake him. He's unbelievably stubborn and he believes his way is the only way, his ego is huge as well as his pride but there was nothing I could do at the moment, I just had to trust his judgment and his impending actions, even though I didn't agree with them in any way. I really hope he will reconsider what I suggested to him, about him, Near and I putting all our differences and feelings about each other aside in order to work together, combine all our talents, to end this once and for all.

A few hours later, I was pacing the floors in my room, something I do rather well, trying to resist the temptation of biting my stubby fingernails down any further. I was waiting to here something about whats going on with Mello. I was still fully dressed and my dark hair was laying on my shoulders as well as falling down toward the middle of my back. I reached into my leather jacket pocket and I felt crumbled pieces of paper in them. The diary entries, I completely forgot to put them in my secret hiding spot, I got preoccupied with seeing Mello finally back and with that whole unnecessary altercation with Near. I ignored it, and I left them in my jacket, I didn't feel like moving from my spot, my mind was too consumed with other things. But I did remember Near asking me whether or not I had read the entries and I didn't get the chance to answer him just yet, speaking of Near, he can't know anything about this. It would only confirm his thoughts that Mello was too impulsive and emotional to work to capture Kira. I was never fond of lying but when it had to be done, I did it, and I will keep this secret now for Mello's benefit.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard a knock at my bedroom door, I spun around instantly and ran to the door and opened it enough to see who it was. It was Matt.

"Whats happening?" I asked him.

"Come downstairs" he said simply and left my sight. I obeyed what he said without any hesitation.

As I got downstairs in the main room I saw that a large computer screen was on the table right by the long couch. I wasn't sure what I was looking at but it seemed to be an empty room with computer screens inside it as well. After a few moments, I saw a figure come and sit down in front of the screens.

"Is that Mello?" I asked since I couldn't really see him too well through the black and white screen.

"Yep" Matt said in response.

"I was able to talk him into installing a camera in the room when he does the trade so we can see what happens." I nodded.

I truly was happy about this, now at least I myself can see whats going on and be able to know that Mello is okay.

"Where is he though?" I asked.

"Its an old abandoned building, not too far from town, he's planning on leading Kira there to make the exchange for the notebook" Matt said.

"What about the girl he was going to go after, where is she?" I asked concerned about this poor girl's well being.

"She's in a different location, kidnapping her was just leverage to ensure that Kira would show up, no harm has been done to her but when Kira arrives where she is, Mello will instruct him to come to his new location." Matt said staring at the screen along with me.

Mello had really out done himself with all this careful and skillful planning, I just hope it will all work out in his favor, coming face to face with Kira is something that I wouldn't look forward too. After a few more hours of just simply staring at a screen watching Mello simply wait for a response or any form of contact from Kira was intolerable. I was nerve wracked enough and I was literally at the edge of my seat waiting for the next move but finally after all this waiting, I saw Mello move from his place and I heard voices throughout the room. Mello spoke through a voice distiller as he instructed whomever was speaking to him, presumably Kira, to come and meet him to make the exchange. This was it, the moment Mello had been waiting for, he was finally about to come face to face with Kira, but what would happen after that was still a mystery. I waited along with Matt sitting beside me to see what will happen, we watched Mello simply sit in his place, seeming completely calm, I wish I could say the same about myself but then we heard a sound of what seemed like a door opening and this caused Mello to turn around in his chair.

The person we then saw next, wasn't the one we were expecting. I thought for sure, I'd see the face of Light Yagami but instead I saw his father, Soichiro Yagami, the chief of police. I shouldn't have been too surprised by this, I guess I still was a bit naive to actually believe Light would expose himself so easily, but no matter, I'll worry about all that later, I just wanted this exchange to happen and be over with already so we can decide on what steps were going to take next to move forward.

Mello and Soichiro began to speak to each other and I tried my best to hear what they were saying...

"Well you certainly aren't who I was expecting, but that's not important right now, do you have the notebook?" Mello began.

"Yes, but your not getting anything until I know my daughter is safe" Soichiro answered.

"She never was in any true danger, I simply used her to get what I wanted, so if you give me what I asked for this will be over much sooner" Mello continued.

"Fine as you wish" Soichiro said as he slowly approached where Mello sat with the notebook in his hands.

I focused intently on their dialogue and their movements, I didn't want to miss anything. When Soichiro made it about midway to where Mello was, he stopped in his tracks. Mello simply lounged in his chair and shot him a look of confusion onto why he had stopped and without anything else, Soichiro opened the notebook slowly and looked up at Mello.

"I didn't want it to be this way but I'll do what I must to protect my family" Soichiro said and then he pulled out a pen and looked as if he was to begin to write something.

"Mihael Keehl..." he said as I saw his hand move slowly as he begun to write Mello's true name down.

I was in complete and total shock and so was Mello I could tell when Soichiro said his true name his eyes widened immensely. No one beyond Near and myself knew his name, how was this possible? But then at that moment I remembered something I read numerous times in my fathers notes, one of things he stressed was that it was possible for an individual to see someones true and full name as well as their lifespan above their heads if they possessed the eyes, the eyes of a shinigami. That must have been what the second Kira suspect, Misa Amane, had which allowed her to kill with simply looking at the victims face and obviously Soichiro had them as well. But I vaguely remember reading something else about that, I believe this gift came with a price, then I remembered whomever has the eyes must make a trade of half of their remaining life with the god of death who is offering their eyes to them. Soichiro must have been able to do so with Light's shinigami, but all this isn't what was worrying me, it was the fact that Mello's true name was being written down and according to what my father had left behind me, this notebook kills within seconds when your name is written but my worry and anxiety was cut short for a moment when I suddenly heard gunshots coming from ad unknown direction, Matt and I both shot up still with our eyes glued to the screen watching everything. In the midst of writing Mello's name down, Soichiro had been shot a few times, he then fell to the floor as I saw blood begin to surface on the ground. I guess Mello was stupid enough to go into this head first completely alone, I then saw him get up from where he was seated and he made his way over to Soichiro's body.

"Nice try old man but like I said I came here to get what I wanted" Mello said as he crouched beside him, then then took the notebook out of Soichiro's hand, ripped out the page that had Mello's true first name written on it and he tore it to shreds as he stuck the notebook into his pocket. I leaned back on the couch, releasing a huge sigh of relief, Mello's plan had worked no matter how stupid, dangerous and impulsive it was, it worked, now we can put this behind us but my temporary state of relaxation was interrupted as I saw Mello place a gas mask on his face.

"What is he doing?" I said out loud as I got on my feet confused.

"I'm not sure" Matt said as we both watched him. I then saw him get handed a small, remote control looking object in his hand.

"Oh my God..." I said as I felt my heart begin to beat rapidly as well as my palms begin to sweat, a part of me had an idea of what he was about to do, but it didn't make any sense, he had succeeded in what he wanted, why is going to do something so stupid? Mello then stood over Soichiro's body and was surrounded by the people who shot him and he held the control in his hand with his thumb resting on top of a large button. My breath was starting to get faster and heavier and I felt as if I was going to pass out.

"Mello don't do this, please don't do this you idiot!" I screamed at the screen as if he could hear me as I watched this in horror.

"I can't run the risk of you returning" I heard Mello say as my body started to shake and within seconds Mello pushed the button, an explosion ignited and the camera that Matt and I had been watching all this through got disconnected instantly.

"No!" I screamed out at the top of my lungs and the now black screen. I then fell onto my knees in complete and total anguish, I hugged my abdomen as it felt as if I had been stabbed, I began to cry out uncontrollably and the cries eventually turned into full blown sobs.

Matt rushed to my side and crouched down beside me, he attempted to comfort me but it was impossible, I collapsed into Matt's grip as I continued to sob and shake uncontrollably. I couldn't believe what had just happened, I had just watched Mello's death, I was wishing so desperately that this was a dream but I knew it wasn't.

I thought I wouldn't be able to survive not knowing where Mello was when he left for that full week after he found out about me but this, this was indescribable. I felt as if at any second, my heart would give out and I would die as well, this was just a tad bit worse then when I found about L's death. I was at a loss for air and I was paralyzed in my place. I couldn't process anything, I never felt this defeated, I've said many times before that I felt heartbroken but this time it literally felt as if someone had personally reached into my chest and tore my heart into pieces. I eventually passed out from all tremendous grief, I then woke up a few hours in the dead of night to see Matt must have carried me to my bed. It took me a while to realize where I was and what had happened earlier that day. But as soon as I realized what had took place, I felt myself begin to fight for air and that my body once again began to shake, I stumbled onto my feet and I walked quickly to Mello's room.

I entered it and it was of course empty. I gripped my chest because the weight of grief was starting to over power me again, I quickly made my way over to Mello's bed and collapsed onto it. I gripped onto his sheets as if I was holding on for dear life and the sobs started to flow freely from my eyes and my mouth once more. I cried uncontrollably for hours into his pillow but once again my body gave out from pure exhaustion and right before my eyes closed against my will, swollen and red beyond belief from my tears, I wished in that moment that I wouldn't wake up, I didn't want to face another day feeling like this, I prayed that when I opened my eyes that I would see the spirits of L and my mother instead of a room filled with all things Mello, reminding me that I had watched him die...

**authors note: reviews will be much appreciated. I do not own death note. In the next chapter Sage will be in mourning still and Near will appear. Will she find comfort in him? Well have to wait and see. I also am interested to know from my readers whom you personally think Sage would be better with, Mello or Near? Just curious to here some feedback. Thanks so much for reading xoxo**


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16: Mourning

Five days, it's been five days since I last saw Mello. Five days since he had to go through with this ridiculously stupid plan of his, five days of doing nothing but spending my days sleeping in his room. I can't even remember the last time I ate something and to be honest I didn't care. I felt nothing besides grief and it was getting to the point of pure numbness. There was no peace for me, when I slept I had my usual nightmares except this time they were all about Mello and whenever I was awake the pain felt great enough to encourage me to go back to sleep. I wish I could just stop my life right here, but no matter how heartbroken I felt, I knew that wasn't a possibility. I have a goal that I need to accomplish, that I promised myself that I would finish, not just for my benefit but for L as well as anyone that fell victim to Kira. If I didn't have my father as motivation to rid the world of Kira, who knows where I would be at this moment...

I forced myself onto my feet and struggled to keep my balance. I was in desperate need of a shower, my hair was a mess and I hoped I would find some physical comfort in the warmth of the water. I lingered in the shower, longer than I normally would but I had to fight the urge of letting my emotions come to the surface yet again. It was difficult but I managed to do so. I exited the shower with my damp hair loose and went into my room for the first time in the past five days. I went to my closet and pulled out the first thing I could find, I was discouraged that I actually had to get dressed instead of wearing nothing but pajamas, which is what I'd been doing lately. I put on some black jeans and a regular white tee shirt as I threw myself onto my bed, I had almost forgotten what it had felt like. I stared at the ceiling for a few moments with my eyes closed trying to find some sort of inner peace but before I could begin to escape my surroundings, I could see the bright light of my computer screen flashing through the corner of my eye. I hadn't looked at it since I showed Near the email I received with all the Kira information.

I brought the computer to my lap and I saw I had a few unopened emails from Near. Without even bothering to open them and read them I decided I'd might as well go and see him. Whatever he wanted to say to me he could say just the same to my face and I desperately need to get out at least for a little while. Instead of driving this time I walked and I found that it was much closer than it seemed. It was the early afternoon when I arrived, I walked through the long hallway that I was getting to know so well and entered the room behind those large silver doors to find Near alone. I must have took him by surprise by the way he looked at me.

"Sage...I wasn't expecting to see you" he said.

"Yeah well I figured that I would come and see you, I saw that you sent me some emails" I said as I sat down on the nearest chair and folded my bare arms.

"Yes I did, but I sent those a few days ago, I wanted to tell you something about the investigation" he said as he fiddled with his computer.

"Oh yeah and whats that?" I said completely uninterested in that moment as I stared at the floor.

"Well much to our suspicions, Light Yagami is indeed the one who took over for L..." Near said as he looked at me waiting to see my reaction.

In a way I wasn't surprised by his find, I had a gut feeling that it would be him since I found out he was the top suspect, I did feel anger brewing in me but it wasn't enough to compete with my grief so my facial expression remained unchanged at Near's words as he continued.

"And since we now know this is a fact, it is safe to assume that he truly is Kira, there would be no better way for him to keep himself protected".

I barely nodded in response, in that moment with all that was going through my head, I didn't know what else to do but Near wasn't going to let my lack of emotions go unnoticed, especially since every time I see him I'm on the brink of having some sort of outburst.

He approached me slowly and I turned my head to the side so I wouldn't have to face him.

"Is there something the matter?" Near asked in his usual serious tone but at the same time sounded concerned. I ignored his question completely as I got up and walked in the opposite direction of him as I stared into a random computer screen.

"We still need to find this notebook, if we find it, we can destroy it and then he'll have no more power" I said trying to focus on something other then my racing thoughts in my head.

"We will find it but there is also a possibility that there are multiple death notes" Near said as I heard him coming toward me again. With my back to him still I replied without even thinking twice.

"Then I guess we'll have to just find those and destroy those too." I was taken by surprise when I felt Near's hands on my shoulders gripping me tightly and forcing me to turn and face him. I met his eyes for a few moments before I looked down to the ground again.

"Are you sure there's nothing the matter?" Near asked me again still with his hands on my shoulders. I shook myself out of his grip and took a few steps away from him.

"Yeah I'm fine, I just want this to be over" I said.

"I can understand that, your not alone but why all of the sudden are you trying to rush this?" he asked.

"Is it wrong of me to feel that way?" I snapped at him, it was starting to happen, all my intense emotions were starting to slip, Near always has a way of bringing it out of me.

"No it's not, but it's a process Sage" Near said back at me in a similar tone that I had just given him.

I said nothing in response, in a way I was out of line, Near was the one who was doing whatever he could to move forward and what was I doing? Nothing at all, I spent most of my life being kept in the dark and now when I finally was given some life changing information that could make me useful, something constantly happens to make me feel like that helpless little girl I used to be all over again, just like I was back at Wammy's. I didn't know what to do but I desperately needed someone to talk to and I never thought I'd look to Near for comfort but in that moment he was all I had. I promised myself that I would keep quiet about what Mello did for his benefit but Near would find out somehow eventually and I couldn't keep it in anymore.

After a few moments of silence, I turned to face Near with my hands by my side and my eyes filling up with tears, Near shot me a confused look before I spoke, "Your right, something is the matter...Mello's dead..." I said as I just stared at him. Near's expression remained unchanged just as I thought it would but that didn't mean it still didn't hurt me to actually say it out loud.

I again felt my knees get weak and simply sat on the floor where Near normally does, he eventually crouched next to me.

"What happened?" he asked.

"He kidnapped Light Yagami's younger sister, in the hopes that he would exchange the notebook for her safety and instead of Light showing up, his father did. Mello made the change with him but he was stupid enough to blow up the building where it happened" I said and in that moment I saw the flames of the explosion in my mind and it haunted me.

"Why did he do that?" he questioned.

"I don't know why Near, because he's impulsive and he thought his way was the only way to do things, I just wished he would've listened to me, then I wouldn't be here talking about this right now" I said with the tears starting to fall freely down my cheeks. I had never cried in front of Near before and I could tell he was uncomfortable in this situation as much as I was. "I don't know what to do, I can't stop thinking about it, I saw it happen, I just can't get it out of my mind" I said to Near as my crying was starting to becoming sobs again.

"I'm sorry..." Near muttered softly as I held my head in my hands.

I felt Near's hand on my shoulder once again and for reasons I don't understand I leaned my body into him and hugged him as I nuzzled my head on his white shirt. Near hesitated to move but when he did, he slowly placed his arms around me in the attempt to keep me still. And that's what happened, I became still in his arms and surprisingly felt comforted and a light relief from my pain in that moment. I didn't question it, I just enjoyed it, I stayed in his grip for what felt like hours as I just let everything out. He didn't move away from me, he didn't say anything, he was just there for me, I never would've thought that I would feel this way around Near or that he would do something like this for me.

After I felt my tears starting to cease, I loosened my grip on Near's shirt but I still kept my head rested on his chest.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come here and do this" I whispered as I still leaned on him.

"It's alright, it's understandable" Near said in response still with his arms around me.

"You asked me the last time I was here about those diary entries, I did read them and they were written by L it was about his time in Los Angeles on the Beyond Birthday cases…"

"Really? And what happened?" Near asked.

"He met my mother and fell in love but their relationship was short lived, she died after I was born and that's when L sent me to England, I just wish I could've known her and I wish they could've had what they deserved together. I've lost everyone, my mother, my father, and now Mello, I don't know if I can take much more of this..." I said sounding completely defeated and heartbroken which I was, my heart has never been whole, I've been losing people I loved all my life before I truly got to know them the way I wanted. I didn't know how to live on but I knew I had to.

"Not everyone Sage" I heard Near say softly.

"What?" I questioned as I lifted my head from him and our eyes met again.

"I said, not everyone" Near repeated as he stared at me and then continued. "I don't know if it'll help any but you should know you have me, even though you and I were never especially close, it doesn't matter, I'm here for you, so don't say your alone because your not". I've never seen this side of Near before, I never thought that he would have a side like this to him, I always knew him as having a cold demeanor and showing little to no emotion but even though I was surprised by it, his words did make me feel a little better.

I don't why but after hearing him say that, I found myself slowly moving closer toward him and before I knew it our faces were less than inches apart, I had gotten so close to him that I could feel his nose on mine slightly. He didn't pull away from me, he just sat and stared at me and his face was turning a light shade of red but before I went any further I realized what I was about to do and I stopped myself. I opened my eyes and I could feel his breath on me, I lingered in my place for a moment as I looked into his eyes once more, a part of me was telling me to finish what I started, to lean into him and kiss him but another part of me stopped me. I didn't succumb to my actions, I pulled away from him and I could tell by his expression that he was taken off guard from what I was about to do and I could swear the look in his eyes almost looked disappointed. But before I could analyze the situation anymore, I decided I should leave.

"I'm sorry, I have to go..." I said quickly and with that I got onto my feet and practically ran out of the room, down the hallway and out into the street.

I walked back to the house rather quickly, I got back and I went straight to my room, I got out of my clothes and I put on a large shirt that covered me almost to my knees. No one was around so I quickly grabbed something to eat, and I sat on the staircase as I ate. When I was finished I walked up the stairs barefoot and went back into Mello's room, I had gotten incredibly comfortable in there and I wanted the feeling to last. It was dark, I had been with Near for a few hours and I simply sat on Mello's bed and thought about what had happened earlier. I couldn't believe I almost kissed Near, I don't know what came over me. I will admit my opinion of Near has changed and I do trust him but I don't know what I feel for him exactly. I spent so many years not caring about him and not even considering him my friend but over the course of about a month, things were changing. I didn't know what to think about it, I had absolutely no idea if he had feelings for me and if he did he barely shows it but something did show through tonight. But was it genuine or was it pity? In the moment it felt right but as I think about it, it wouldn't have been right if I did kiss him, I only would've done it because I'm mourning Mello. I do care for Near but it doesn't even come close to comparing to what I feel for Mello.

But what I feel for Mello now doesn't matter, since he's not here. I never knew how strongly I felt for him until now, over the last few days I realized something and I think I always knew it just took me a long time to admit it. Ever since we were children at Wammy's we were close, he was my best friend, when I finally decided to leave he was the first and only person I thought of running to and after all the years we spent together, I knew something was growing between us but during the last few months things had gotten much more tense and awkward. But I now know the reason why I felt that way...why do you always realize things when it's too late? Knowing this made me feel even more depressed then before, I threw myself onto his bed and hugged the closest pillow to me, the tears started flowing again but this time they were silent. I forced my eyes closed and hopefully soon I would be asleep. I'm feeling so conflicted inside but I knew one thing for sure, I am and have been in love with Mello...

a**uthors note: reviews will be much appreciated. This chapter focused mostly on Sage's state of mind as well as her inner turmoil. And Near was out of character in this chapter in order to show a little more sympathy for Sage. Do you think it was genuine or pity? The next couple of chapters will focus on Sage's new realization and leads me to ask my question again, who do you think she would be better with Near or Mello? I'd love to hear what you think.**

**Thanks so much for reading xoxo**


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